Played

It’s A Match…the familiar pop up from the dating app showed on his screen.

He didn’t care so much anymore. He had had several matches, some seemed cool while others were clearly there to grind and move on. It kept him entertained, which he was enjoying.  A few messages came in, this one seemed to know how to hold a conversation. They both were spontaneous and met same day. She was even more beautiful and charming in person. Her photos did not do her justice.

He’d been chatting with another person, they got on really well, but with the strange times in the world, they were yet to meet each other. Video calls, voice calls and chats were all useful thanks to covid, but it was wild that the whole time, 3 birthdays had passed, and she never remembered his birthday. So, for the third year, he erased hers from his memory. With this in mind, he had decided that were he to match with anyone, he would meet in person as soon as possible, then decide if they wanted to remain in touch or move on.

Dance connections

Christine was heading to the Carrefour not so far from where she lived, in the 13^th district, arrondissement, as the French called it. The 13th arrondissement is a charming area, depending on the part you live in. She lived close to the National Library of France, on the long boulevard called Vincent Auriol. That area overlooks the Seine River and all you need is within reach. Shops, metro stations, buses, restaurants, a swimming pool, clubs and a cinema. This Carrefour was three stops away from the metro stop outside her door, ‘quai de la gare’. She had just finished shopping and was waiting in line to pay when she heard someone call from behind, but she assumed he would be talking to a friend. He kept speaking like he was speaking to someone far from him, which made her look over. There was a woman right behind her, then a man before this man that was calling. She and the woman behind her burst out laughing, it was just ridiculous. The guy was relentless and said a few nice things, the one she remembers clearly; ‘if I were to wake up next to you every day, I would be happy for the rest of my life’…She did not want to believe he was talking to her but in any case, that provided entertainment for their time on the queue.

Nothing To Lose

She caught his attention as she walked in, her slim frame was the first thing he noticed. That always seemed to do the trick for him. She was bubbly and happy, her laughter was from deep within and it was infectious. They were attending a conference, so he stayed professional until they went dancing over the weekend. She could move and she filled the place with the way she danced, one could not help but notice her. He found that he got more and more drawn in, all he hoped for was that she would give him a chance.

He spent time trying to help her settle in as she would be around for a month. He constantly proposed activities, and started by picking her up for breakfast the next weekend, then showing her around town. She was a curious one so it worked out well as she had so many questions, some he could not even answer. At some point, they had to resort to google to satisfy her curiousity. They spent a pleasant day together and he found himself laughing much more than he had in a long time. Since he called it quits nearly two years ago, he had not been attracted to any woman and had started to question whether he was still normal. The hurt from those years ran deep.

Shocked into a kiss

They were attending a seminar and he seemed to have an eye for Anita. On the other hand, another colleague of hers, Sonia, had an eye for him. Anita was oblivious…what a love triangle!

The two ladies got on very well and were fun loving people. They worked hard but also partied hard. Over the years of them working together, they had cultivated friendship between one another. They worked in different locations, so each time they saw themselves, they made the best of it. This time was no different as they were attending a regional work conference.

After a long three days of many sessions, they all went out for dinner then dancing afterwards. As the night progressed, alcohol flowed and the giggles were more than usual. Each person showed their skills on the dance floor, it was interesting to watch. When the whole team was calling it a night, Bruce offered to drop Anita and Sonia, it was his town anyway. Sonia settled in the front seat while Anita sat behind. Sonia was to fly out the next morning while Anita had a day to discover the town.

Something remarkable 2

In case you missed the last part, please read it here.

Tare had never spoken a word of Spanish…where was she going to start from? They had talked of her taking Spanish classes, but she was overwhelmed with everything. She was thankful every day that she and her husband spoke the same local language, when she was tired of trying, she would easily speak Yoruba to him instead of English so that no one would understand what she was saying. The big shock for her was how they walked everywhere. Unlike her life in Nigeria where she would jump into her car and go where she wanted, she had to study the train and bus times and plan around those schedules. Manual labour was very expensive so she had to learn to do everything herself. Her husband helped when he could but with his work schedule and knowing that that was their only source of income, she could not complain.

Winter was approaching, so was the delivery. Having a first child and having to deal with everything on her own made her miserable. She spent a lot of time thinking as her husband was not there for her to share these fears with. She was not ready to speak to her mum about these concerns. Her mum would not only get worried but would blow up Seyi’s phone, which might just do more harm than good. Seyi came home tired and somewhat uninterested in all her baby talk most days; she quickly learnt not to bother him with it.

Her bundle of joy arrived one fine snowy day, after 20 hours of labour. The pain is not something anyone can ever prepare you for. But like they say, once you have the baby in your hands, you realise that the pain was worth it. Tare moved into the spare bedroom so that the baby’s constant crying would not bother her husband. He was involved at first but that started to wear out. Communication between the couple was strained and Tare easily focused on her baby, her only source of joy. Postpartum depression kicked in and was worsened by Tare juggling everything. Learning to be a mother on her own, constantly on the phone with her mum when she has no clue what to do. And having to deal with Seyi’s attitude, Tare started to feel unloved, inadequate and her self-confidence dropped all the way to the floor.

Something remarkable

A notification popped up on her phone, it was a friend request on Facebook. This person looked familiar, but she could not place where/if they had met. They had so many mutual friends, so why not she thought to herself. She accepted his request.

He sent messages, but she did not feel inclined to respond at first. A few days later, he buzzed again so she thought she would be polite. Before long, she realised that he drew her in, the guy knew how to hold a conversation. He made her laugh and their banter flowed naturally. She looked forward to chatting with him, which they did daily.

Tare caught herself imagining what it would be like to meet him. The topic came up and they finally set a date for him to visit. She was nervous, she had butterflies in her tummy, but it turned out to be such a beautiful time. She laughed like she had not done in such a long time. There was a strong attraction between them and on that front, she had not been getting any action.

In my feelings

Guest post alert...

A friend of mine sent me this experience of hers! I thought how she narrated it was brilliant, so I had to share (with her permission of course). Hope you enjoy reading it like I did.

He came to class. Regular dude, tall, clean shaven, a little bald... Nothing to see here. His glasses were rectangular. He wore a pink rough edged t-shirt and blue jeans. Seriously, he was just a regular man. He introduced himself to the class and we had to introduce ourselves too. After I did, he shook my hand. It was a regular handshake. Class went on... Then he called my name and asked me something. I swear I didn't hear a single word. I was lost in his lips. I was staring. He called me again then I snapped out of it. I didn't know the answer to what he asked. Then he asked if I was OK. I said yes. I just needed to get some air and I walked out of the class. I couldn't breathe. What was happening to me? I drank some water, sprinkled some on my face and went back to class. Everything was normal again.

Faith restored II

I wrote this post sometime in 2017 and somehow a few things have happened that have made me to write a follow up post.

We went by car from a town called Kibondo in Tanzania to Kigali, Rwanda. The driver in question had never been to Kigali so was not sure how to get there. The trip up to the Rwandan border was fine. The driver happens to be a restless man. He seems unable to allow things happen or allow people do things for him. He always wants to be in control. When we got to the border, he needed to do some paper work to be able to drive in Rwanda with a Tanzanian licence plate. He gave an agent the papers to process but just would not wait or let the agent do his work.

He ventured out on his own to get it done. In the end, he paid twice and wasted time going all over the place when we could have been on our way.

The Ugliness of Domestic Abuse

I was going to write this as fiction which would have had additions and I would have had to make some parts not so bad, but what's the point?

I have a friend who was a victim of domestic abuse. For way too long, if I might add. When it started at first, she was shy to say so. Then it progressed, she was trapped in a cycle that she could not seem to get out of. I remember her reaching out to me one evening because she simply wanted to talk. One of the things she said that made my heart stop for her was "I don't like the person I have become and I can't seem to help it because I love him".

There is the danger of a single story but in this case, I unfortunately cannot reach the other party and have no intention to try. I am writing this with my friend's consent. Please note that there is so much that has been omitted for privacy reasons but this is the nicest of all the ugliness of that relationship. So here are some of the incidents she told me about as I remember:

Fancy being surprised? Or not?

I love surprises…It gives me joy when people go out of their way to make me happy in any way. Surprises do not always have to be presents, it can be a random act of kindness. The spontaneity of it excites me. However, not everyone is a fan of surprises I have discovered.

 

Someone I know was in a relationship, but not really. She was unsure whether she wanted to continue. The dude obviously knew what he wanted and popped the question. He genuinely loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but she was unsure. She was so undecided that she left the country to study, the whole time asking him to move on, but he waited. 

During that time of dating, he got her lingerie. She didn’t know how to feel. The guy was obviously in a relationship with her in every sense of it, while she was slightly disconnected. She didn’t know how to feel about this surprise, happy or embarrassed.

Oloibiri - Nigeria's oil curse

I went to the cinema after work yesterday. I wasn't sure of what I wanted to watch although I looked at the film list. I got into the lift and a preview of Oloibiri was showing, it caught my attention and my decision was made!

I will try not to reveal too much for anyone who might want to watch it but I will mention a few scenes.

This film did not just hit a nerve, it jacked and pulled every nerve in me. I shivered as I watched, literally. I cry when it comes to films but in this case, there were too many sensations and tears were far away.

Her beautiful secret

He reappeared in her life just out of nowhere, the same way his calls came every now and then. They used to be class mates. He proposed that they meet up for lunch. While they waited for the meal, they talked of times past and filled each other in on what their lives had become; it was great to catch up. Their food was finally served and he began to stare at her in such an odd way that it made her uncomfortable and she started to spill her food. She couldn’t take it anymore so she stopped eating and stared right back at him, intensely. Then they both burst out laughing. ‘What?!’ she finally asked. He confessed then that he had always admired her but she always seemed out of his reach. She asked what changed and he teased himself saying that he only just became man enough.

Not All The Way Home 3

Part 3

Growing up was a trap Kate concluded! Life was so much easier before. Now she had to fight for what she believed in, she had to stand up for what was right and unbelievably, demand in some way  to be respected where she was looked down on. Finally, she was glad to have Mrs. in her corner as it took less energy now. Mrs. was a handful to deal with if you were not in her good books. Kate was not there to make best friends but to work, however, a cordial environment would certainly help.

The office was definitely different since six colleagues were laid off, there were mixed feelings, there was anger, people were still not convinced that the true reason was given why so many were let go. The case was reported to the National Human Rights Commission by two of the people who were let go. The Commission wrote to make enquiries of the case but was given a flimsy, very well thought out response that paralysed the Commission from taking any action. Knowing that this was an international organisation in a host country, there were restrictions as this organisation was covered by diplomatic immunities and privileges, there was not much the Commission could do.

Uncoupling

The last thing he felt like doing was wearing someone else’s skin today. He stared at the face looking at him in the mirror. It was an image he had seen every morning before he went off to work. But today, his eyes lingered over each feature. Wide eyebrows, deep brown eyes that were framed by unusually long lashes, cheekbones that were so high his cheeks hollowed out noticeably. His mouth was full with lips that thrust forward in a natural boyish pout and his skin; it was a blemish free, a smooth dark complexion that shone with health. He was perfect; on the outside.

With a determined glint in his eyes, he swung away from the mirror and walked into his private study and locked the door after him. His sleek apple desktop waited for him on the polished mahogany table, its blueish light casting an eerie shadow around the dark room. He glanced at his watch. It was almost time. He sat down in front of the computer and with one click he signed in on skype.

Her face came into focus quickly, fair and beautiful as always. Her bare pinkish lips were the first thing his eyes settled on. Her light brown eyes crinkled with a smile when she saw him.

Not All The Way Home - Part 2

Kate was left alone to her thoughts and burst into tears in shame, pity and God knows what other emotion she was feeling… Life as we know it is so unfair she thought to herself. She could not explain why she was so emotional, but her heart was fully in this. She knew the family of one of the men who would be laid off and wondered how they would cope.

She was a single woman, living the life of her dreams, earning so much money that she almost did not know what to do with it. She liked her job but not as much as she did her last. Then, she made tangible impact but now, it was more theoretic. 

She had a meeting she was not fully prepared for, so she pulled herself together as she needed to get her presentation finished. She had worked tirelessly to try to make her dear colleague see that she knew her job and was good at it but the Mrs. was adamant and had her mind made up. Some other colleagues had warmed up to her but would only refer to her as the pretty girl, her work was hardly spoken about. Mrs. was equally good at her job but was just being a WOMAN! 

They both reported to the same person, she was also a woman but was extremely pleasant. It was sometimes uncomfortable to be in the same room as Mrs. and the boss but Kate was not in the job to compete with or harm anybody.

Not All The Way Home

On a hot ‘summer’ afternoon, she sat at a corner watching her colleagues eat, laugh and chat away, but she could not bring herself to join them, not after the kind of news she had just heard. Today the divide struck her so hard and it was most challenging for her because she belonged to both sides. She hated that she would have to choose. She was local but on the other hand, completely foreign. She did not appreciate the dynamics at work. The divide between locally employed staff and expatriates was wider than she imagined. As an outsider, she could see that it was there but she did not know to what extent it existed. 

On giving lifts in Abuja

I don’t live in central Abuja and I see how people struggle to get some form of transport to get to work so I give people lifts on my way out. People who know Abuja well will easily know the locations that I mention in this post. 

My sister and I come out together normally, we both used to work in Maitama but at the end of last year, the organisation I work for moved to Asokoro. My sister still works in Maitama so we leave home a little earlier so I can drop her off before I go to work. On days when the traffic might be bad, I drop her off in Asokoro where she can jump into a taxi before I proceed to the office.

The Federal Secretariat is in between Asokoro and Maitama and we tend to give people going there lifts. 

One day we gave three people a lift and at AYA, one of the men asked if we were going to Garki and we said no, he got so angry, came out of the car and left the door open. We were all left with our mouths open. I think the other two feared that I could ask them out of the car and were so apologetic on his behalf but we said it was okay and they stopped at the Secretariat which was their destination. My sister and I laughed about it and carried on. Sometimes, people have tried to pay us but we tell them it’s free and they are always so thankful. 

On friendship

Zarah and Hassan had been friends for the longest time. They could have been described as best friends but for Hassan’s girlfriend. Zarah was cautious because she knew that Hassan’s girlfriend was not her biggest fan.

Hassan was known in Zarah’s family. When Hassan would visit the family house, he would call Zarah ahead to make a meal for him or bake for him or satisfy any food cravings he might have at the time of his visit. They supported each other, encouraged one another and they had a friendship that was worth admiring.

Years had passed and they both lived in different cities so they did not see each other as frequently as they used to. Zarah was going to leave for her studies overseas and Hassan was set to marry his girlfriend. Zarah and Hassan were not pleased that she would miss Hassan’s wedding, she had been looking forward to it. So Hassan went to Zarah’s family home to spend the weekend with her and her family before her departure. About a month after she left, the wedding took place. She spoke to the couple giving them her best wishes and for once, Hassan’s wife sounded pleasant. Zarah took it that her insecurities had been laid to rest.

Exploring manipulation 3

If you missed the last two parts, read part one here and two here

There were so many factors that stood against the relationship from the start; my dad had always said none of us would marry a non Igala person, he was a professor and wanted me to follow in his footsteps, he was from a place my people were already prejudiced about, I was in my final year while he was just starting university over again, even though he was 5 years older than me, and finally, I was a church girl and he was a bad boy. There were enough reasons to conclude that it wouldn’t work, the odds were against us. But something kept me close to him...I kept telling every one of my friends who asked me why I stayed that he has a beautiful heart. It didn’t make sense but that was it. I made things difficult for him. Somehow I had convinced myself that nothing good lasts forever so this great thing I had going wouldn't last, so I lived in hopeless fear that it would end. I kept breaking up with him, so I could save myself the trouble but he kept chasing me.

Exploring Manipulation 2

If you missed the last part, please read it here.

Fast forward to 2004, I had just returned from my industrial attachment in Abuja where I met the craziest girl I've ever known. Sandy was a wild bird, she was a dancer who wore small shirts and tight trousers that encased her skinny legs. She had the brightest smile and said the most obscene things. I wanted to be like her! This girl was one year older than I was and was openly doing the sort of dancing I only dreamed of. But I think I loved her more because she spoke her mind unapologetically. She reminded me of who I used to be when I was younger. Over the years, because of the beating and the sexual abuse, I had turned into a quiet mousy kind of girl, a recluse to put it better. My clothes were baggy because I was hoping that would ward off male attention. I was quiet except with people I was comfortable with, then I danced only in secret because I was too shy to dance in front of people. Well, Sandy was like a role model. She was a National Youth Service Corps member and I was an IT (Industrial training) student, but we became instant pals. Her birthday was on February 13th and that year, she was leaving for the U.K. on the 15th to seek better things, so I decided to do something I had never done before.