The Price to Pay

Biola reflected on the recent events that she had had to deal with. Her life had been upended in a way she never imagined would happen. She thought that she had things figured out until that fateful day. She had been so consumed by her career and getting ahead that she neglected everything else and everyone who was dear to her, until her world came crashing down.

She got home, late as usual. I’m home she called out but emptiness came back at her. She went to her bedroom, something was different, but she couldn’t figure it out immediately. Then she went to give her a son a kiss, something she did every night. But he wasn’t there. Then she noticed, a lot was gone from his room. She ran back to her room and opened the wardrobe. A good lot of her husband’s clothes were gone. She called, frantically, but he didn’t answer his phone. She was in a panic, she wondered why. She saw them in the morning before she left for work and all seemed well. Or so she thought.

Her husband was everything she had hoped for; supportive, loving, manly and he held his own. He had things going for him as well, but drew the line when it came to his family. He poured his all. He never missed any event his son was to attend, he showed up for his wife’s events and she was so proud of him. He hinted at her taking him for granted many times but was one who shied away from confrontation, so he would say his piece then move on. As work got more demanding, there were more late nights and she was grateful to him, as he catered to the home front. 

Could this be a generational thing?

Someone contacted me out of nowhere to ask what options her cousin who studied French and had just graduated from university had in terms of work. 

She also mentioned that some other people they knew who studied French ended up teaching. Then she ended her message with this question: 'What can she do with the French?'. What I drew from her message was that she didn't want her cousin to teach.

I asked her what her cousin's interests were and if she had asked her cousin the same question. She seemed to be getting frustrated with my questions but I didn't see how I could help, because in reality, my thinking was that her cousin would be in a much better position to know what her options were and what she might like to do.

I told her teaching was one option (and what if that was what the cousin wanted to do?!) but there were other things to do. Another thing was that I didn't know her cousin or what she liked so I was unsure how to respond. She was contacting me obviously because I studied French and was not teaching I suppose...

My 'what just happened?' moment

When last did you have one of those 'what just happened?' moments? The type that leaves you feeling cheated! That was exactly how I felt a week ago! I'll tell you all about it...

Each year, I try to make friends from different ages, different places and different walks of life. Older, younger, my age. We could easily lose touch with the way different generations think and feel like our way is the only way. So I keep friends from different ages, this helps me understand trends, new language, get wisdom, be crazy etc... This year I have not done very well with that.

Well, a young man followed me on instagram and started to send me messages asking to meet me. I didn't think anything was out of place. I looked through his profile and saw that he was indeed young. One of the days I had time for him, we had a brief chat...it was like I made a mistake. From then on, he wouldn't let me be. He was asking to meet as he wanted to be friends. Our lives are out there on social media anyway, and just about anybody can reach out to us. I told him I would let him know when next I would be in Dar es Salaam. I was in Dar a few times but my time there was always busy so I didn't have time to meet him.

Where is my ogbono soup?

If you live outside your home country, you would know the craving of food from home that comes every now and then.

I had one of those cravings over the weekend and cooked up a storm. I made different sauces, what we call soups in Nigeria. I made ogbono (irvingia) and egusi (melon) soups. With satisfaction I packed it all in bowls, each bowl enough for two servings, and put them away in the freezer. It has been four months since I had any of these delicacies.

My mother, bless her, by now is used to her children moving away from home every now and then. She is always ready to pack some Nigerian food stuff for us to move with. When she was doing her job, I kept telling her how the food she was packing was too much. She packed it anyway and packed my suitcase for me :-) On days when I have the craving for any of these food items, I am thankful for her wisdom. 

Life in Tanzania

It has been five months since I moved to Tanzania for work. Discovering this country has been interesting, it is beautiful, it is a haven for nature lovers, the landscape is captivating. 

 

Before coming to East Africa, I was told that I would enjoy the hospitality in the region but I was also warned that I might find people to be slow out here.

Some of the economies in this region thrive on tourism and I have to say that they are good at it. There is everything needed here; picturesque scenes, beaches, safaris, the volcanic crater etc. They have done well to preserve these things.

My Jacob's Cream Crackers

These crackers are the truth! They have been my companion for years.

For the kind of work I do, I prefer eating something dry, devoid of any form of spices when I am out working on the field. I work in sometimes difficult terrains to navigate where bumpiness is normal as there might be only dirt roads.
I live on these crackers and apples (when they are available) on the field. I could find these easily anywhere in Nigeria. However, the last time I worked in another country, the 2 packs I took with me from Nigeria finished quite quickly as I was on the field much more than I was in the office.

Cringe worthy racism tales of people with brown skin

I just got a reminder that I had to write about this subject!

Sometimes, the world seems to move on from certain issues or shall I say, some of them just come to be.

I was in Lagos, Portugal recently, it is beautiful! It is peaceful, the views are breathtaking. I stayed in Meia Praia area and it is not yet 'polluted' by chaos and noise, it is an amazing holiday destination. Will write about that in a separate post!

My sister was my travel companion and we noticed quite quickly that there were not many people with brown skin. We were stared at a lot, that's nothing new, we would smile at some point when the staring was unending 😊

Burnout

For most working class people today, this is a word that has become normal.

I could define burnout as a build up of fatigue that causes one to become emotionally, mentally and physically drained. A common cause of this is stress. 

There is a difference between stress and burnout by the way. 

Stress is defined by dictionary.com as physical, mental, emotion strain or tension. It also defines burnout as frustration or apathy resulting from prolonged stress, overwork or intense activity. 

These days, stress seems to be part of our everyday lives. How we manage stress and eventually burnout matters to our well being.

Faith Restored

Cars sometimes have a mind of their own…today was one of those days for my car. It was something anyone, including me, might have considered as minor but I was not willing to take any chances so I called the mechanic to pick the car up. That left me with the option of finding my way to work.

The transport system is one that is not exactly functional in Abuja. There are ways to get around but there is no proper system in place. It’s a struggle, like many other things here.

Anyway, I got on a bike and the dust on the back road we took had me blinking a lot. When we got to the stop, there were many cars heading out; private and commercial. Many private cars had no passengers and that made me feel bad for a minute. 

The Prime of Her Life

She planned her life around him, everything concerning her revolved around him. She moved from country to country with him and would look for jobs wherever they were at the time. It was not the greatest as she went for months sometimes without a job, then most times, the jobs she preferred were overseas. She was happy though to do the little she did to stay active, she spent more time at home to care for him as he worked really hard. This was one of the things she admired most, so it was easy not to hold anything against him. She had dreams of a career which she gave up when she chose this lifestyle with him but that she did with no grudge or resentment as he more than catered to her needs emotionally and financially. 

I am going home

I’m sitting here at Nsimalen airport, which is bereft of activity, an airport of a country far smaller than my country, but which seems to have more functional facilities than the airport in the capital of my great country. 

I am looking at my suitcase, the proof of my three months stay in this country and wondering whether I should be feeling this way. 

One friend asked me last night if I cried saying good bye and another asked if I was sad leaving. My response to both questions was laughter. I had music on so loud like I was celebrating my departure. 

Usually before trips, especially after living in a place, I have knots in my tummy but this time I was numb, no feelings whatsoever.  I didn’t have much time to see the best of the place but I sure saw some part of the bad! In the short time I stayed here, this country didn’t grow on me at all. 

 

I’ve checked in and I am sitting in the lounge, there are still no nostalgic feelings and thankfully, the staff at the airport have so far been nice. I’ll leave in peace with no hostility or aggression trailing me. 

It’s time to leave and as I wait for the call, I have a smile on my face as I think of the smiling and welcoming faces of my family, the warm hugs and being carried. I think of our dogs that will jump on me to show me that they missed me, licking and scratching. All I can think of ‘I am going home’.

I settle into my seat and look out of the window with a smile. As we take off, I look at the town beneath me and say a quiet thank you under my breath then a smile, a broad smile crosses my face again with the thought ‘I am going home’.

I walk out to my sister’s wide smile and waiting arms. She lifts me up and spins me around, the first of many hugs, and now I know I am home.

Health is wealth

I woke up fine but at some point, I started to feel funny. I dismissed it at first but it all seemed to go downhill from there. I started this new work out so I thought that my body was simply adjusting to that. I was hungry and had started work without breakfast which I do very often. I went back to get myself something to eat then continued work but my whole body was revolting. I had a light headache, I was slightly dizzy, my tummy was in a state I could not describe, I felt cold but hot at the same time then my temperature had gone up. I spoke at this point, I told the residence manager that I didn’t feel well. I asked for a home malaria test kit and took the test, it came out negative. That was a relief as I had way too much work planned for the week to fall ill. I was meant to travel the next day.

I knew getting to a good hospital would be in the capital so I was slightly worried. She asked what my symptoms were, when I explained, she knew just what I needed. The first thing she said was ‘your flat mate had the same not long after he came here’. I asked her what she meant, then she explained that she thought my body was still adapting to the environment and that must have been the explanation for all these things that I could not explain. She advised that I get vitamin C effervescent. At this point, I could have ignored her advice but I followed. One of the things I know is, you cannot take the knowledge the locals have away from them. 

Her beautiful secret

He reappeared in her life just out of nowhere, the same way his calls came every now and then. They used to be class mates. He proposed that they meet up for lunch. While they waited for the meal, they talked of times past and filled each other in on what their lives had become; it was great to catch up. Their food was finally served and he began to stare at her in such an odd way that it made her uncomfortable and she started to spill her food. She couldn’t take it anymore so she stopped eating and stared right back at him, intensely. Then they both burst out laughing. ‘What?!’ she finally asked. He confessed then that he had always admired her but she always seemed out of his reach. She asked what changed and he teased himself saying that he only just became man enough.

Not All The Way Home 3

Part 3

Growing up was a trap Kate concluded! Life was so much easier before. Now she had to fight for what she believed in, she had to stand up for what was right and unbelievably, demand in some way  to be respected where she was looked down on. Finally, she was glad to have Mrs. in her corner as it took less energy now. Mrs. was a handful to deal with if you were not in her good books. Kate was not there to make best friends but to work, however, a cordial environment would certainly help.

The office was definitely different since six colleagues were laid off, there were mixed feelings, there was anger, people were still not convinced that the true reason was given why so many were let go. The case was reported to the National Human Rights Commission by two of the people who were let go. The Commission wrote to make enquiries of the case but was given a flimsy, very well thought out response that paralysed the Commission from taking any action. Knowing that this was an international organisation in a host country, there were restrictions as this organisation was covered by diplomatic immunities and privileges, there was not much the Commission could do.

Not All The Way Home - Part 2

Kate was left alone to her thoughts and burst into tears in shame, pity and God knows what other emotion she was feeling… Life as we know it is so unfair she thought to herself. She could not explain why she was so emotional, but her heart was fully in this. She knew the family of one of the men who would be laid off and wondered how they would cope.

She was a single woman, living the life of her dreams, earning so much money that she almost did not know what to do with it. She liked her job but not as much as she did her last. Then, she made tangible impact but now, it was more theoretic. 

She had a meeting she was not fully prepared for, so she pulled herself together as she needed to get her presentation finished. She had worked tirelessly to try to make her dear colleague see that she knew her job and was good at it but the Mrs. was adamant and had her mind made up. Some other colleagues had warmed up to her but would only refer to her as the pretty girl, her work was hardly spoken about. Mrs. was equally good at her job but was just being a WOMAN! 

They both reported to the same person, she was also a woman but was extremely pleasant. It was sometimes uncomfortable to be in the same room as Mrs. and the boss but Kate was not in the job to compete with or harm anybody.

Building Castles

Tony walked to the ATM with such heaviness of heart because he was about to empty his account. Notwithstanding, he went ahead as there was a basic need. As the notes came out, he wondered why he was so broke but then, the year so far had been one full one. Most challenging yet rewarding, the kind of projects he had carried out, he never thought he would. At the same time, he had been broke a few times but this broke? No! The thought terrified him but his comfort was something he heard recently and chose to apply at the moment...’this is the poorest you’ll ever be’. A smile broke out and with satisfaction he got into his car and drove off. Who would see such a good looking lad and know the kind of challenges he could be facing.