Showing posts from October, 2015

Exploring manipulation 3

If you missed the last two parts, read part  one here and two here There were so many factors that stood against the relationship from the start; my dad had always said none of us would marry a non Igala person, he was a professor and wanted me to follow in his footsteps, he was from a place my people were already prejudiced about, I was in my final year while he was just starting university over again, even though he was 5 years older than me, and finally, I was a church girl and he was a bad boy. There were enough reasons to conclude that it wouldn’t work, the odds were against us. But something kept me close to him...I kept telling every one of my friends who asked me why I stayed that he has a beautiful heart. It didn’t make sense but that was it. I made things difficult for him. Somehow I had convinced myself that nothing good lasts forever so this great thing I had going wouldn't last, so I lived in hopeless fear that it would end. I kept breaking up with him, so I c

Exploring Manipulation 2

If you missed the last part, please read it here . Fast forward to 2004, I had just returned from my industrial attachment in Abuja where I met the craziest girl I've ever known. Sandy was a wild bird, she was a dancer who wore small shirts and tight trousers that encased her skinny legs. She had the brightest smile and said the most obscene things. I wanted to be like her! This girl was one year older than I was and was openly doing the sort of dancing I only dreamed of. But I think I loved her more because she spoke her mind unapologetically. She reminded me of who I used to be when I was younger. Over the years, because of the beating and the sexual abuse, I had turned into a quiet mousy kind of girl, a recluse to put it better. My clothes were baggy because I was hoping that would ward off male attention. I was quiet except with people I was comfortable with, then I danced only in secret because I was too shy to dance in front of people. Well, Sandy was like a role model.


It only gets bigger and better! When you convince yourself that you can’t do something without even giving it a try and you finally give it a shot and succeed at it, the best way to describe this success is . . ."SWEET”. Some people are not worth any time, stress or attention. While climbing up, you certainly can’t take everyone along. Some will slow you down, some will encourage you, some will even try to stop you. Someone once asked; ‘If you have a puppy, you love it soooooo much but all it does is bite and hurt you. Will you still keep it?’ Some people give you reason to think really hard. Blue moods………Grey shades……………. Bright and dull, success and failure! There’s only one life to live. Make the best of it. Success is so sweet………… First published on January 22, 2009

Exploring Manipulation

So it all started when I was thirteen years old and my parents had their usual fight, with my dad pummeling away as usual. The beating had obviously been going on since I was born but I only became aware of it when I was seven. We had just returned from London where we lived for about four years as my dad went for his PhD. The first time I witnessed my dad beating my mum, it took me by surprise. As a child, I was feisty and bold. I hated that he was beating her and I made the ‘mistake’ of jumping in between them to try and stop him...I took a good beating! That's probably where all my problems with my father started. Every time they had a fight, as long as I was around I would jump in, yelling for him to stop and tell him that he was doing the wrong thing. I grew up telling my dad he was wrong most of the time and I got beaten for it, a lot.

That game...

They both say that there is nothing, when it's rather clear to all. It's fleeting we can all tell as there is no basis for sustenance. The feelings are consuming them both, the attraction cannot be hidden. It's a game, an interesting one, but there is a snag... They've both walked down the aisle with different people!

Is there a myth behind turning thirty?

It seems like the thirties bring so much responsibilty with the age. Some moan about things they are yet to achieve or where they think they should be but aren't. I remember when I turned thirty, I was sad. I was happy to stay at home (it was during a weekend) and brood over my age but my partner would not let me! He organised a dinner then the day rang in while we were out dancing. It was nice to have people around but as the day came, a certain kind of fear gripped me, it was something I could not explain. I felt like I had fallen short after being weighed on my scale of expectations.  Note that I always have to do lists and when I do not meet certain expectations, I berate myself over it, continuously. My amazing family and partner were there, the day was a great one with all the presents and love.