Can we get past this?

I think I have just the right person for you. You are smart and beautiful, I wonder why no one has taken you off the market yet. 

Boma was on Vee's case, they had been friends for a long time and she had been married for 15 years, a feat they were currently celebrating. Vee was beautiful and successful but this part of her life had been on a standstill for as long as Boma could remember. Vee was a loyal friend, as she stood there attending to guests, Boma could not help but be grateful for this friend of hers. The anniversary party turned out to be much more fun than they anticipated.

By the end of the day when they all settled down, the ladies did the usual, analysing different scenarios and laughing at some. It was always fun for them. All of a sudden, with a matter of fact look on Boma's face, I meant what I said earlier today she said to Vee. I do know someone I think you might like. Vee was not opposed to being set up, so asked for all the details. 

The journey to motherhood 2

If you missed the first part last week, please have a look here

Mrs B.

I am, or should I say, used to be one of those who desired to get pregnant on the wedding night. So two months into my marriage, I was already getting paranoid; sounds funny to me now, as I didn't know I had a bit of a long wait ahead. Six months into my marriage I discovered I was pregnant! You can imagine how ecstatic I was. There was nothing wrong with me after all, my husband was so happy too.

I kept telling myself I'd always heard that you didn't have to see a doctor until you are 3 months pregnant, and so I did not take any form of medication, not even folic acid! Two months into my miracle, I started seeing little stains of blood, I told myself not to worry as I'd also heard that spotting could be normal. However, a sixth sense pestered till I asked a close friend who had had a baby before, she asked what colour the stains were, I said dark red, and she got alarmed and told me not to waste any more time but to see a doctor! I had two scans from two different hospitals. The first said there was no fetal heartbeat. The second said there was after I asked. The doctor was more concerned with showing us the spot that signifies a baby and putting our minds to rest instead of telling us if all was actually well.

The journey to motherhood

Ever imagined not being able to conceive as a woman? Especially when the doctors find nothing but ask the woman to just wait. The pressure from society, the looks, the hurtful comments and constant self-blame. The excuses women/men make for partners when they say hurtful things, explanations women give when they should be focusing on themselves? etc.

We are always looking to the next thing. When will you get married? When will you have children? When will the next one come? We normalize pressure and always seem to have an opinion on how things should be. We forget that the person we have an opinion about has feelings just like we do, and it is about their lives, not something abstract. I remember talking to one of my friends in her third year of waiting to conceive. I remember the despair I heard from her, but the determination to get past the hopelessness and start living for herself once again.  I will be sharing stories from three women I know, in their own words, who had to wait for a few years to have children. 

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Enjoy.

On friendship

Zarah and Hassan had been friends for the longest time. They could have been described as best friends but for Hassan’s girlfriend. Zarah was cautious because she knew that Hassan’s girlfriend was not her biggest fan.

Hassan was known in Zarah’s family. When Hassan would visit the family house, he would call Zarah ahead to make a meal for him or bake for him or satisfy any food cravings he might have at the time of his visit. They supported each other, encouraged one another and they had a friendship that was worth admiring.

Years had passed and they both lived in different cities so they did not see each other as frequently as they used to. Zarah was going to leave for her studies overseas and Hassan was set to marry his girlfriend. Zarah and Hassan were not pleased that she would miss Hassan’s wedding, she had been looking forward to it. So Hassan went to Zarah’s family home to spend the weekend with her and her family before her departure. About a month after she left, the wedding took place. She spoke to the couple giving them her best wishes and for once, Hassan’s wife sounded pleasant. Zarah took it that her insecurities had been laid to rest.

Uh oh!

Uh oh!

On hearing that exclamation and a scream to follow, his mother instantly knew that there was trouble! As harmless as that exclamation sounded, her oldest son only used it when he had a serious situation in front of him.

They were a family of six, very closely knit. Mrs Idoko stopped at having three children initially, but years after , she wanted another so badly, a girl. She was tired of these three soldiers staring back at her with hard faces all the time. She wanted to be able to dress her girl in pink, use ribbons on her hair and eventually when the girl would grow up, she would have someone who would whine to her. Every girl would run back to her mother at some point she liked to believe. Well, she did. A lot!