Frustration explained

I once read a piece titled ‘The Writers Curse’. That curse is exactly what controls me right now, I sit here not sure where I am going with what I write but I am compelled to write, and write I will do...

Chinyere and Tobi were best of friends, they had grown up together and despite being girls, they never had 'trouble' living together. These two had to move in with Nkiru, another friend of theirs who was the sweetest person, a doting mother hen as Tobi always teased.

Unnecessary issues as Nkiru called them seemed to come up every day at work. Having a boss who didn’t appreciate a ‘small girl’ (as he liked to say) standing up to him was not the easiest task. He seemed to make extra efforts to find faults in everything she did. Being human, the pressure began to get to her but the mistake she made was bottle it all up.

The National Pledge

Ok, I think I have been silent long enough. . .

Nigeria marked the 52^nd year of being independent from the British rule on October 1^st but obviously as the number of years increase, the state of the nation keeps deteriorating. It’s shameful, it’s sad! Nigeria the once fertile land is fast being destroyed. We once were referred to as the giant of Africa but today, we are the sleeping giant.

The independence celebration has always been a celebration for all but this year, the president took it to the Aso villa where access is definitely restricted, that's a first and hoping it will be the last. The opposing political party to the president’s political party put it that “the president took the celebration to his bedroom”. The same party has described the president as “a president on internship”. 

That special creature

Beautifully created, moulded bit by bit. The strength inbuilt but the fragility reflects when looked upon, radiance and gloom all in one.

Multifunctional but made to complete. Curves that work up a million images in the mind but at the same time could be an instant turn off. Every part has a uniqueness about it…soft, supple, beautiful, an assignment for the mind to solve.

Made up of qualities that form good or bad…Beauty they say lies in the eyes of the beholder but beauty to some lies at face value.

Hands of steel, hearts of gold define many…naturally caring and gentle, traits present from the very beginning.

On the flip side, cunning, seductive, evil, mean… a side shown especially when scorned. Hurt and bitterness could easily be held onto but in all, easy to forgive is another trait that covers these.

Building Castles

Tony walked to the ATM with such heaviness of heart because he was about to empty his account. Notwithstanding, he went ahead as there was a basic need. As the notes came out, he wondered why he was so broke but then, the year so far had been one full one. Most challenging yet rewarding, the kind of projects he had carried out, he never thought he would. At the same time, he had been broke a few times but this broke? No! The thought terrified him but his comfort was something he heard recently and chose to apply at the moment...’this is the poorest you’ll ever be’. A smile broke out and with satisfaction he got into his car and drove off. Who would see such a good looking lad and know the kind of challenges he could be facing.

The 'home' front

From a distance where I sat, I watched as this child continually threw a tantrum and his mother acted helpless and gave into every whim of her child. All he wanted was to have his way and by simply looking, it was rather obvious that he was a handful. I felt for her but at the same time, whose job is it to instill some discipline in him? Reminded me instantly of another child I saw at a mall who almost gave her mother a heart attack simply because she wouldn’t listen nor stay in one place. That’s almost common pIace right?

 

On the other hand, there was a beautiful girl, dressed like a doll, looking all glamorous…judging from her looks, the first thought could be…”she is so spoilt” but to my surprise she looked right into my face while she passed and greeted. Since she seemed interested in chatting, her mum had a seat and we all had an interesting chat. She would apologize and say thank you at every instance. Her mum had to remind her not to apologize when it isn’t needed. As small as she is, she was so well mannered; her parents have done a fine job so far.

 

The Unknown

From the tender age of their teens, he had his eyes on her…but flee was all she did, his name was one around and hurt she feared.

Years passed same way he would come and go. They both led their lives oblivious of any connection.

Away they both went with the wind but things didn’t work out both ways and back in each others way they were thrust once again.

Plan B she cannot accept to be, she was there the whole time but right past he walked and made a choice.

True he claims to be but slighted is all she feels. Black or white it has to be, shades of gray are not good enough.

Unspoken words, unanswered questions linger but intimidated by her outspoken nature he remains and proper communication eludes them.

Hurt her eventually he did but a future together he wants despite all. Bringing herself to accept that and trust him again she cannot do just yet…Trust has to be earned and that much she expects of him.

Left off trails…hoping to pick up from where it stopped is all he acts out but it won’t work that way for the lass.

Matters of the heart, who can comprehend them?

Could it be love? Love…a word…so many have doubted whether it truly exists. Love is pain but love everyone seeks in some form.

At the least expected time and places, love finds us. Caution thrown to the wind, reckless abandon takes people in love over. Too many times love doesn’t come the way we expect it but love is hardly enough.

Thoughts wandering; is it meant to be?

Our Pride

I had taken being Nigerian for granted all my life. Being at home, there is almost no reason to wear your nationality, that’s all one knows how to be anyway. Growing older and being more in touch with the world, it seems to dawn on people that ‘your nationality is your pride’.

Visiting different countries especially when family and friends live in such places can be very different from living in them; you are made to feel at home and can be shown around easily. There is a tendency to be shielded from some of the experiences that one gets exposed to while living in the Diaspora. See my previous post, 'Tales from the Diaspora'

With this realization, your nationality is either a blessing or a curse – at least so it seems. I noticed that people of any country living abroad tend to be more nationalist than those at home.       

'We' no dey carry last!

Has anyone noticed how easily we Nigerians follow the trend of about anything that happens to be in vogue? Not just that, but the tendency to easily abuse things isn't out of place.... Pardon me if you don't share my view but I happened to grow up in the 80's when the world had some sanity in it.
A quick look at these and you just might share my view ;)

Religion 

The two major religions in Nigeria are Christianity and Islam.
If you were to take a drive around Nigeria, the number of churches and mosques is alarming. The churches, can be found within every few kilometres, and have all sorts of names, one would think it were a competition. Loud speakers calling for prayers from mosques, prayers and singing from churches, talk about noise as an environmental hazard?!
Do not get me wrong, I do not condemn religion but I am sure that even God follows order :-)
I found this survey that was done sometime back (2004), I wonder what the results would be today if it were to be repeated.


 
In graphics:What the world thinks of God What The World Thinks Of God

What pays?

Does it pay to be good anymore? A friend of mine blurted that question out while we were having a conversation. We had a very long conversation about life which touched about everything.

She had gone through some experiences that were making her question all she was taught and believed in.

 

I actually took time to reflect on this question: today does it pay to be good? It seems the good people are the bad ones because they refuse to conform and they end up looking imprudent for their actions. On the other hand, so much evil is perpetrated and it is second to normal to be bad.

In the society, at work places, corruption is so rampant, in the news there are always evil stories making headlines.

This and That ;)

Blazing hot, reflections unbearable to the eyes, that's how hot the sun has been in this part of the world.

Luckily, a thick mast of clouds have begun to gather, black and ready to burst,

nothing withheld, the downpour came...breeze, coolness, lower temperatures, phew!

The sound on the roof, the clean smell everywhere, beautiful green to behold, nature.
Its the rainy season :-)

I have a free Saturday this weekend, yippee!

I literally have my Saturdays dedicated to attending friends’ weddings these days. So many people are getting married. It is a pleasure to witness love expressed by taking the bold step to tie the knot.

On the other hand, I also ask myself every now and then, why are there so many divorces today? 

Marriage as I have understood from when I was a child is an institution that is meant to last for a life time. So what is it people are doing wrong? Many of our parents have stayed together through thick and thin. They didn’t have as much information and opportunities to make their lives as beautiful as ours are today, but they stayed. 

I read somewhere; a young lady asked an old woman how she and her husband managed to stay together for 75 years and the woman said ‘we are from a generation where even when things aren’t going as we want, we fix those things and not walk away’. . . deep! 

Aren’t there times when some things just cannot be fixed? I have heard of a few divorces and some marriages are simply beyond repair. What should such people do?

I have also seen people rush into marriage from pressure from family, society and themselves. Why, is the question I usually ask? Especially when a person puts him/herself under pressure..."all my friends are married, I have to get married too", yeah yeah! It doesn’t happen at the same time for everyone.

Does love even exist some ask but still go ahead to get married to someone they can’t really say they love. Is that right? Love will come I have heard but ermm....

Just last night a friend complained about how terrified she was about getting married, she loves her boyfriend and he has been asking her to marry him but she is holding back, she doesn’t feel like she is ready yet. Can anyone be ready enough for marriage? It’s a lifetime commitment, that’s huge but marriage is a beautiful thing for those who get it right.

Anyway, to all my married friends and those getting married in the near future, hearty cheers go out to you all! Wishing you every good thing that comes with being married.

Out in the dark

On one of the mornings I had to rush out earlier than usual (I had to drop my sister off at the park and pick something up before going to work), I left home at 6 A.M, it was still dark, dawn had hardly broken.

I drove out of the gate and behold right in front of the neighbour’s house, I saw two children seated outside, a girl and a boy who couldn’t have been more than five or six and three years old respectively. Surprised, I called out to them and asked ‘what are you doing here’ and the girl responded, her voice rough either from lack of enough sleep or being upset at having to wait out there in the dark. ‘We are waiting for our school bus.’ I was stunned, at that time? So many questions ran through my head. I asked another question, ‘where is your mummy’ and she said ‘inside’. I do not mean to be judgmental but I wondered, how cruel could a mother be? What school bus comes to pick children at this time, instantly I looked at my clock and it 6:07A.M. 

Lost in my thoughts, my sister’s voice brought me back to reality when she asked ‘where is your school’. From the little girls’ response, the distance from the house to school could not be more than fifteen minutes at the maximum. It is certain that the school bus would have a round of pick ups but 6A.M I thought was too early to put young children outside while the adults stayed comfortably inside. It was dark, there could be creeping things, and anything could happen to those children. My sister and I deliberated on asking them to go inside but we decided against it. Who knows? That could be normal to them.

Since I had those children on my mind as I drove on, I deliberately looked for children in cars and I saw so many, some asleep, some looking like they were sulking but for one who chatted happily away with her father.

 

The search for truth

When we pray sometimes, we expect answers sent to us in a certain way, we pray with a fixed  mindset but it hardly works that way. Sometimes God comes through for us and in ways we don’t expect, it could be better than we thought or it could be painful, really painful. At other times, He may simply be saying not yet or this isn’t for you. But in all, God knows us and wants good for us so He won’t grant us evil to destroy us. We asked anyway, so He answers.

There are times I feel like God is so far away from me, but a friend of mine’s status message read a few days ago if God is far, who moved? He is the same, He hasn’t and will not change but we always do.

Now, do I sound like I am preaching? *Laughing to myself *

 

'Religion' is a sensitive issue and is generally not advised to be discussed in order not to stir up trouble, I am treading carefully and do not intend to offend anyone who reads this. If you have any misgivings about what I have written, please feel free to leave a comment.

 

The search for truth and a connection to spirituality leads people to believe in different things. Many of us are born and raised to know a certain belief, but as we grow older, we go on a quest to know more of what we want to believe in or not to believe in anything at all.

 

I am not sure if I want to be bothered with ‘religion’ as it is practiced today. I love God, I seek Him and His word is what guides me, and that for me is the essence of whatever/whoever anyone believes in.

From my observation, there is so much dogma with what people believe in and that has infiltrated the truth of what should be.

 

In Christianity, there are different sects/factions (what would be the most appropriate word): Methodists, Protestants, Catholics, Pentecostals, Anglicans, Baptists, Jehovah witnesses and more. 

Sometimes, when people ask, are you a Christian and I say yes, the next question will be what exactly? Pentecostal, Catholic e.t.c? Why should that matter anyway? As I like to say, I am christian and that's it. The word Christian came about from people who acted like Jesus Christ so they were called Christians - Christ like. I would say the goal of being a Christian should be being like Jesus Christ.

We have created so many divisions in Christianity that I wonder sometimes if at a time when we all need to unite for whatever reason, we will be able to come together as one putting all the supposed sects/factions aside to achieve the goal that needs to be achieved.

 

Pieces

A bond so strong, the ability to just know, the feeling of insecurity when a lie is told. One ‘simple’ lie could spoil a relationship built over time. Somehow, more lies have to follow to cover up the ‘simple’ one that was told.

In relationships of whatever kind, someone once said that when you lie, you lose one thing which you may never get back: integrity. It reduces you in the eyes of the other person especially when it is someone whose opinion matters to you.

Sometimes there may be things known all along but you might be waiting to hear it from just one person, giving a last chance to save whatever integrity the person has.

A song I like says ‘you can play on broken strings, you can feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel…’ We can interpret that in many ways but in all, we choose not to let go so many times when need be to our detriment. Letting go is extremely difficult but in doing so, you give a chance for more and maybe better things and people to come in.

There are times that things come up and others feelings are thought of to be protected. How that can be handled without lying or hurting anyone, I wonder… It becomes inevitable, for the truth to be told, it just might hurt and in honesty, some may take it with such grace that you are left wondering what the fuss was about.

We all have been hurt sometime; felt some form of betrayal by someone we trusted so much. Sadly, some people don’t recover, but on the other hand, others do, and very quickly.

Honesty is costly…it has to be. But lies… they cost so much more.

Paper VS Screen

Do you prefer to watch a movie or surf the internet instead of reading?

I asked a few people this question and most of the people I asked prefer a screen to paper.

There was a lengthy discussion on this topic which I happened to listen to.

The virtual (online) world has such a strong presence and most people have willingly embraced it. Some people tend to be more active in the virtual space especially social media than they are in reality. Their social lives and things happen for them in the virtual space. On the other hand, in reality, some of these people will not participate physically in social activities.

During events, take a look around, when people get bored; phones are easy alternatives to get rid of the boredom.

What a morning!

I have had a rather eventful morning so far... 

My hair needs some fixing; I called a salon yesterday to book an appointment for this morning. I was sure to ask if they do African hair and all the necessary details and I got an appointment for 9am today. I got myself ready early and left, the place was extremely difficult to find, no one seemed to know the street. I found it eventually, and when I got in and told the lady there that I had an appointment for this morning, she said I was given an appointment for a consultation not for my hair to be made because their normal practice is to have a consultation then determine what needs to be done before they give an appointment for the actual hair do. Huh? I was irritated, I just wanted to get out but she was keen on giving me a lecture about my own hair and how the things needed for my hair are different and bla bla bla. I politely thanked her and left. 

There were a few hair salons on my way, I suddenly seemed to be looking for only hair salons and I got off the bus somewhere and walked into another salon. The lady there stared at my hair like ‘what do I have in front of me’ but I chose to ask the obvious, do you make African hair? And she said she had never had to but she still went ahead to ask what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted to fix extensions and she said she may know how to do it. At this point, I didn’t feel like letting anyone use my hair for a learning session so I declined and all I wanted to do was to get the hair straightened out. To my surprise, she says the way we flatten hair normally will have to be done differently for you and she was going on...I had stopped listening. When she finished, as usual, I thanked her and left.

I was ready to go back to the hotel to catch up with my class mates, hoping to meet them up before they left for the free cruise around the harbour because we got a free cruise from one of the tour trips we went on.

As I got onto the bus and it started to move, I saw another salon that had extensions and I was thinking to myself, this has got to be it so I got off at the next stop and walked back there. 

The lady in there was wonderfully pleasant, as the French would say, ‘elle avait une très bonne mine’ but unfortunately she couldn’t help me so back on the bus I got. The bus pulled over at my stop and I got off. Right in front of me, there was a salon and I walked in but the look the lady in there had said it all and without a word, I walked right out. Four hair salons in a day and no hope? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ll get it done in London tomorrow. That was my consolation.

I got to the hotel finally hoping for something positive, I called all my class mates rooms but didn’t get anyone. I had missed them. Now, I am feeling so frustrated. The weather today is beautiful, it’s 13 degrees, the sun is shining so bright and it doesn’t look like it will rain (but who knows). The weather today is pleasant for the first time since we got here but here I am! The only good thing is: I'll get to finish up all my assignments. I’ll wait to see if they come back soon, if they don’t, I’ll have to venture out later on my own...again.

Were I ever to spend a long period of  time in Malta, I’ll have a major challenge with my hair and what other thing???

Am I doing the right course?

I decided to do another Masters progamme which has brought me all the way to Malta. I have got mixed reactions from this statement like...aren't you tired of school? How much knowledge do you want to acquire? I know, I know but what can I say? No knowledge is useless, besides I love this course I am doing which by the way is; Contemporary Diplomacy.

This is a truly beautiful place, I love the view from my room. So far, I have not been able to see the city because we have classes from 9 A.M to 9 P.M, it has been an interesting marathon. The time has flown so fast, we have one more day to go. The courses so far have been great, engaging. I wake up these days looking forward to having classes, a sign that I made the right choice.

Them!

The best man there is, able to achieve so much yet so human. Before him, I feel like I know nothing, but the beauty of it is that I can express myself just the way it comes. He is able to fill in the gaps where necessary and he helps in every way to refine my thinking. Blessed with intelligence, I never regret a moment talking to him.

Completely benevolent, his palms remain wide open for all to freely benefit from. He has nothing to hold back, I have learnt from his actions that by giving you get a thousand fold more.

A perfect gentleman who can make you feel as good as you choose to feel.

He is a man of integrity...he will not compromise his standards; he works with beautiful professionalism, a true fountain of knowledge...

The greatest woman alive: brave, fearless, full of courage and ready to take on the world, nothing can stop her once she sets her mind to achieve something. I have learnt that I can be and achieve anything I want as far as I set my mind to it. 

I share my goals, all I want to do and be with her, and she encourages me on and asks me not to hold back nor give up.

She has a heart so large and is always willing to go out of her way to put a smile on a face. A person you can count on at any time, that’s who she is.

Strength, grace, beauty, elegance and all that makes up a virtuous woman is what she is made up of.

Together, they have watched me grow in every way, from the very first breath till now and are still watching. 

They have and continue to provide all within their power, they have made my life worth living.

The freedom to share and correct despite the age difference is never an issue. They taught me to value myself and stand up for what I believe in. I am who I am today because they are.

So many times we let life pass and do not appreciate the people who are most dear to us. Our loved ones mostly, are the recipients of our best and worst emotions. 

I have been nasty, rude and done things that hurt them so much sometimes but their love for me is unconditional. I have every reason to be grateful to them and I count them as the greatest blessing I have in this world. I am taking out this moment to say I have the BEST PARENTS, they are everything anyone would wish for in parents and I love them to death.

Dear God, thank you for these wonderful people, please continue to keep them and bless them and may they keep blessing us, their children and the world at large.

They definitely have much more years to live because they haven't seen the best of me yet ;)

A sudden change! ! !

How has your life changed since the 1st of January someone asked . . . In response, life for everyone has changed in so many ways; we had a gift given to us by our president that day which wasn't well accepted by most of the citizens of our dear country.

Plans suddenly changed, people were unable to return to their previous destinations from their holiday points...The subsidy on fuel, the only thing Nigerian citizens enjoyed as an oil producing nation had been taken away with no warning. Rage is what most people feel towards the government at this point.
How does inflicting more hardship on citizens bring development when there are no services rendered at all? A country so blessed yet poverty thrives among her citizenry.

Rally points agreed on, unions coming together, youth activist movements ready to do their part to demand that the government do what is right by her people. Posts, comments flying all around, with one voice the movements started. There is so much to be said to the government, placards with all sorts of messages conveying our distrust and feelings towards the government are held up high. The national strike has begun!