Visiting Benin Republic

I went back to Benin Republic in May after about 20 years and I was pleasantly surprised. Cotonou is more organised and cleaner than I remember it, the country sure has taken steps in the right direction. 

Street art somewhere in Cotonou

My friend, Mary, and I spent 5 days and 4 nights, a full itinerary was planned for us by our amazing host. 

The best host, trying on his hat straight from Nigeria!

On the day we arrived, we took it easy and spent time catching up. That continued into the next day which was a Friday, but in the evening we were whisked off to Club Kirikou where live music is the main event.

Fighting Sexual Violence is Our Collective Responsibility

Before asking, he warned me by saying I have something to ask and I hope it won't offend you. I told him to go ahead. Then he asked me if he could take me in his arms (direct translation). I immediately said no and moved on to talking about something else. We were watching a programme on TV and the question came out of nowhere. This conversation all happened in French and French can seem unnecessarily intimate sometimes. We lived together, he was one of my flat mates. I reckoned he just wanted a hug but the way he asked, it came off as a bit creepy to me. Sometimes, you click with people and feel comfortable enough to hug each other, it never crossed my mind to hug this colleague.

One day, like every other time, I took a walk with another colleague, which was a normal thing. This one was my buddy, we got along very well. He was one of the ones I was comfortable with and would hug every now and then in greeting. He was quite excited on this day and was chatting away. When we got to the spot we wanted to reach, the view was beautiful. I stood admiring it then I felt someone hugging me from behind. It could only have been him as the other people around were not close enough. I was slightly confused as I stood there. Someone hugging me from behind suggests a few things to me. Unsure of what may have followed, I broke the contact by suggesting that we take a selfie. It worked. Afterwards, he posed for me to take photos of him, and in that moment, I said a silent prayer to God...'please let there be nothing more, let it be that his excitement got him carried away'. As we walked back, we talked as usual but before we could go far, he apologised. He said he was sorry if his action made me uncomfortable. I was relieved and said it was ok especially as I didn't want to walk back with in awkward silence. Then I chided myself for not saying 'if it happens again, that's when we would have a problem'. But I think he was smart enough to know that. 

Perception, Expectation and Reality

I recently had a conversation with a friend about perception, expectation and reality. It seems like people tend to be influenced strongly by other people's perception of them and this leads them to behave in certain ways.

The fact that sometimes people perceives you in a certain way does not mean that you are necessarily that way. On the other hand, one person's perception of you could influence other people's perception of you even before they have the chance to ever know you or meet you.
I am an advocate for creating impressions for yourself. A person's feelings or experiences do not have to be mine so I prefer to form that for myself.

Faith Restored

Cars sometimes have a mind of their own…today was one of those days for my car. It was something anyone, including me, might have considered as minor but I was not willing to take any chances so I called the mechanic to pick the car up. That left me with the option of finding my way to work.

The transport system is one that is not exactly functional in Abuja. There are ways to get around but there is no proper system in place. It’s a struggle, like many other things here.

Anyway, I got on a bike and the dust on the back road we took had me blinking a lot. When we got to the stop, there were many cars heading out; private and commercial. Many private cars had no passengers and that made me feel bad for a minute. 

Ill treatment by the Nigerian Police

So my sister, Odachi Abah was featured earlier this week on this post. But yesterday,  08.10.2014, she got asaulted by a Police woman in Lagos.

I was having lunch with a friend when a picture came into my phone. I screamed and my friend with whom I was having lunch kept asking what the matter was. I simply showed her the picture, she became so filled with rage. It was a picture from my sister with a caption: ‘ I was assaulted by a Police woman this afternoon’. It didn’t look good! I tried to speak to her but she could not talk, she was at the Police station, the unit where the woman in question works. She went to file a complaint.

Eventually Odachi wrote her account of the assault below:

"On the 8^th of October 2014 I got assaulted by a Police Woman. This is what happened. 

On my way home after my NYSC clearance from Oshodi-Isolo LGA, Lagos State, Nigeria, with a friend, Maduka Benson, our vehicle (Maduka was driving) entered a hole which pulled part of the car bumper out. The Police woman controlling traffic kept shouting at us so my friend driving was trying to tell her that our bumper had pulled out, but she insisted that he moves away from there. A gentle man asked my friend not to drive or the entire bumper would pull off the car. He crossed to the other side and helped us fix the bumper so we could move on.

This and That ;)

Blazing hot, reflections unbearable to the eyes, that's how hot the sun has been in this part of the world.

Luckily, a thick mast of clouds have begun to gather, black and ready to burst,

nothing withheld, the downpour came...breeze, coolness, lower temperatures, phew!

The sound on the roof, the clean smell everywhere, beautiful green to behold, nature.
Its the rainy season :-)

I have a free Saturday this weekend, yippee!

I literally have my Saturdays dedicated to attending friends’ weddings these days. So many people are getting married. It is a pleasure to witness love expressed by taking the bold step to tie the knot.

On the other hand, I also ask myself every now and then, why are there so many divorces today? 

Marriage as I have understood from when I was a child is an institution that is meant to last for a life time. So what is it people are doing wrong? Many of our parents have stayed together through thick and thin. They didn’t have as much information and opportunities to make their lives as beautiful as ours are today, but they stayed. 

I read somewhere; a young lady asked an old woman how she and her husband managed to stay together for 75 years and the woman said ‘we are from a generation where even when things aren’t going as we want, we fix those things and not walk away’. . . deep! 

Aren’t there times when some things just cannot be fixed? I have heard of a few divorces and some marriages are simply beyond repair. What should such people do?

I have also seen people rush into marriage from pressure from family, society and themselves. Why, is the question I usually ask? Especially when a person puts him/herself under pressure..."all my friends are married, I have to get married too", yeah yeah! It doesn’t happen at the same time for everyone.

Does love even exist some ask but still go ahead to get married to someone they can’t really say they love. Is that right? Love will come I have heard but ermm....

Just last night a friend complained about how terrified she was about getting married, she loves her boyfriend and he has been asking her to marry him but she is holding back, she doesn’t feel like she is ready yet. Can anyone be ready enough for marriage? It’s a lifetime commitment, that’s huge but marriage is a beautiful thing for those who get it right.

Anyway, to all my married friends and those getting married in the near future, hearty cheers go out to you all! Wishing you every good thing that comes with being married.