The journey to motherhood 3

In case you missed the fist two parts, here are the links to the first story and the second story

The journey to motherhood 2

If you missed the first part last week, please have a look here

Mrs B.

I am, or should I say, used to be one of those who desired to get pregnant on the wedding night. So two months into my marriage, I was already getting paranoid; sounds funny to me now, as I didn't know I had a bit of a long wait ahead. Six months into my marriage I discovered I was pregnant! You can imagine how ecstatic I was. There was nothing wrong with me after all, my husband was so happy too.

I kept telling myself I'd always heard that you didn't have to see a doctor until you are 3 months pregnant, and so I did not take any form of medication, not even folic acid! Two months into my miracle, I started seeing little stains of blood, I told myself not to worry as I'd also heard that spotting could be normal. However, a sixth sense pestered till I asked a close friend who had had a baby before, she asked what colour the stains were, I said dark red, and she got alarmed and told me not to waste any more time but to see a doctor! I had two scans from two different hospitals. The first said there was no fetal heartbeat. The second said there was after I asked. The doctor was more concerned with showing us the spot that signifies a baby and putting our minds to rest instead of telling us if all was actually well.

The journey to motherhood

Ever imagined not being able to conceive as a woman? Especially when the doctors find nothing but ask the woman to just wait. The pressure from society, the looks, the hurtful comments and constant self-blame. The excuses women/men make for partners when they say hurtful things, explanations women give when they should be focusing on themselves? etc.

We are always looking to the next thing. When will you get married? When will you have children? When will the next one come? We normalize pressure and always seem to have an opinion on how things should be. We forget that the person we have an opinion about has feelings just like we do, and it is about their lives, not something abstract. I remember talking to one of my friends in her third year of waiting to conceive. I remember the despair I heard from her, but the determination to get past the hopelessness and start living for herself once again.  I will be sharing stories from three women I know, in their own words, who had to wait for a few years to have children. 

I’ll let you draw your own conclusions. Enjoy.

Calling her out

Two of us were sharing our frustrations about a certain woman who seems to take pleasure in making life difficult for the people she works with. He mentioned how she appears versus the reality and I summed it up. Oh, she is a b***h! He said hmmmm, I was trying to say it in a nicer way, then I said there is no need for that. I didn't think much of it then as we changed the subject and talked about many other things.

A few minutes later, I reflected on what I said earlier and wondered when I started speaking that way. I said such a derogatory word with such ease. I asked myself if this had come with practice because I didn't even realise. Not so long ago, it would have taken a lot to hear such words from me. I made such efforts to keep my 'mouth clean'!