The Myth Called Closure

Ever found yourself in a position where you were unconsciously chasing after closure? Or so needy of it that you hinged moving on on it? It’s not uncommon, a good lot of us have been there.

Through loss, pain, hurt, break up or whatever situation it might have been, you hope for one more chance to do things differently, to make things right, or simply to talk things over. Some people are lucky enough to have that, but sometimes, we do not get second chances no matter how hard we try or wish.

Loss of a loved one is heavy, unanswered questions come with it. Unresolved issues come to the fore, but the finality of death is such that there is no second chance with the person who is no more. No one is ever prepared for loss, and grief manifests in different ways. You might think you are fine one moment then the next you find yourself completely immersed in grief. The pain might never really go away, this is something you don’t get over, but you get past it with time and you learn to live with it.  

La belle époque

Each time we drive past, children run up to wave at the car, something they take pride in doing. Many of them don't expect a wave in return, so I see how their faces light up when I wave back. Some of them squeal and jump with excitement while others stand paralysed with shock from the returned wave. Children are so adorable and have the purest of hearts.

Straw roofs held up by sticks as make shift classrooms and schools, children walk the distance to get there with their chalk boards as proof of learning. Dirt roads, narrow paths, vast land. Motorbikes ply the routes mostly, as well as bicycles. The few private cars give a new perspective of how much weight a car can possibly carry.

Grief

It plays on the mind.

When given room, it takes over and leaves you paranoid.

Amidst the hurt and the pain, people constantly ask the bereaved to be strong.

Bereaved people can easily fall apart especially when they are not allowed to grieve in their own way.

The feeling is horrible; a heavy head, a lump in the chest, bouts of weeping, inexplicable emotions constantly running through the mind. 

Self evaluation and even self-deprecation with the question of what else could have been done constantly haunt the bereaved.

Time they say will make it easier...

Men don't cry

This statement is one I grew up hearing and it was translated in the same way to boys, as well.

When a boy would cry unashamed, he would be told not to disgrace himself but to toughen up.
I always felt sorry for the boys when they had to fight back tears and be brave. That was something I found rather difficult to do.

Now, as an adult, I see how that statement is more detrimental than helpful. Emotions are a part of every person – whether male or female. Having to suppress them does not sound like a good idea as it has long term effects.

Wrapping Up 2015

I am putting some thoughts I have had in the last week down and this will be my last post this year.

Spending time with loved ones  - So my friend and I were talking about Christmas and we were talking about how our families always spend Christmas together, but I was saying that I might break the tradition next year as I would like to travel at Christmas. Her response was don't do that, the whole family should travel. I wondered why I hadn't thought about that option, but thinking about it, I realised that I had probably concluded that travelling at Christmas might not be a preferred option as they like to travel earlier in the year. Well, she lost her mother a few months ago and her family had spent Christmas in a certain country for the past three years or so, but the plan was to spend it elsewhere this year. Plans changed as her mum is no longer here and things were left undecided, Christmas would never be the same, it must have been especially hard this year being the first one without her.

BAGA

I have been thinking of what to write for the past few days.

Baga! Life has not been the same.

I have wondered, sought answers, hoped, but all I get in return is deafening silence.

Two thousand, it is not just a number, but the number of lives said to have been lost in one day.

One is too many. Then two whole thousand?

We have wondered what to do, how to force the relevant authorities to act, but we all have a role to play.

Will a march make a difference? Maybe too many of us are scared for our lives.

A life lost means little or nothing.

There are no words, absolutely none to convey my grief.

It feels like a hopeless situation as I succumb to helplessness. 

Crimes against humanity, fundamental human rights have forcefully been taken away, the right to life and liberty.

Our humanity seems to be chipped at each day. When did we become so comfortable with death?

May they all rest in peace, may their families be comforted.  

 In Askira, Baga, Biu, Buni Yadi, Chibok, Damaturu, Damboa, Geidam, Gombi, Gwoza, Hong, Kubla, Lamurde, Madagali, Michika, Mubi, Potiskum, Shani and many more towns that have suffered senseless losses. May they all rest in peace.