It's not so big a deal!

There are some things that have been causing wahala for me and I am wondering if other people have the same experience.

Using people's photos as BBM or WhatsApp display pictures:

When it is a person's birthday, there is a trend where the person's photo is displayed  along with wishes. This extends to when someone is getting married, celebrating a wedding anniversary, a child's birthday and any possible thing to celebrate. 

This is an amazing thing to do and it sure makes people feel acknowledged and special.

 I have both of these applications on my phone and I use them like anyone else but there are certainly parts I know I do not explore.

Looking at the display photo fad, I forget to change even my own display photo, like I could have a photo for months. Then when I change, I have at least one person saying 'thank God, finally!' to me. There was a time I would forget to put up a photo and some friends would ask why, then bother me till I do...one friend in particular would always give me a hard time about it.

On the other hand, there are people who are so dedicated to changing photos that they could do this every day or even within hours. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but, should other people be compelled to do same?

A friend once took it so personal that I did not use her photo as my display photo on her birthday and went ahead to mention that a mutual friend of ours asked her why I didn't, so that only added to how hurt she felt. As trivial as it may seem, it did hurt her feelings and it made me feel bad. I apologised but tried to make her see that my not using her photo does not take away or add to the love I have for her. I have had times when I choose to celebrate friends and when that has happened, her photo was used but even when I do things like that, I have to consciously remember to change photos. 

Another friend's child turned a year old. A few days after, she asked why I did not use her child's photo as my display photo especially as many of our mutual friends did. Again, I had to explain!

I love birthdays especially as those are the days I get to sing for people. So I call and sing, then give my best wishes. When I know a person's birthday, I hardly forget. So I make them feel special in the little way I can.

 

For me, these applications are for communication majorly. For the other possible uses, it's not like I ignore, but like I wrote, I forget to change even my own photo. Or, it just doesn't bother me much to do so. When people get resentful that I do not appreciate them the way they prefer, I wonder why they think we should all have the same way of doing things.

Adding another responsibility of changing photos for birthdays and different events, I might not be able to keep up as I am certain I will forget. Or if I even start, if I forget to do so for one person, it might be an even bigger issue.

We all choose our battles right? I am making sure to not to bite off more than I can chew!

Weddings

These are big ceremonies, and rightly so...

So much goes into wedding preparations - tension, fights, disagreements and this happens with family as well as non family members. In planning for weddings, some of the nerves or aggression from whatever might be happening is taken out on loved ones.  Speaking from the female perspective, sometimes, brides become bridezillas. Couples generally hope to have a perfect wedding. 

In Nigeria, one of the things that happens at weddings is giving out a colour theme, then family and friends have a particular fabric to wear (popularly called asoebi). This comes out quite beautifully I must say. 

Before the weddings, there are series of events - the introduction of families where there is a declaration of intentions, this is usually done in a small and closed circle, before the traditional wedding. Also, there might be parties - bachelor's party/stag do and bridal shower/hen do. Phew!

All of this is financially implicating of course and that's where there is a problem.
 

Some couples choose not to understand that their friends have other financial commitments and squeezing out money to buy a fabric, then deal with and pay a tailor to sew it is only an added hassle. There might also be insufficient time, depending on when the dates are communicated. After all this, the friends are expected to be there even if they have to travel and take presents along if they choose to. So weddings are expensive not just for the families involved but also for guests.

When all the wedding preparations are happening, it gets funny sometimes. There are things to say and not to say in order not to offend the couple it seems...One bride to be got so upset with me and asked me "who does that" - something that would have been normal behaviour on a good day. I was quite taken aback. Obviously, if there is a school where these things are learnt, I am yet to attend so was totally ignorant.  

When people attend a wedding, they are doing the couple a favour not the other way round. But some forget this, and in one day, it all ends...

These are just two of many. It will be nice to read your experiences. What might have caused drama for you? Something that you might not have considered to be a big deal but ended up being just that!

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