The Myth Called Closure

Ever found yourself in a position where you were unconsciously chasing after closure? Or so needy of it that you hinged moving on on it? It’s not uncommon, a good lot of us have been there.

Through loss, pain, hurt, break up or whatever situation it might have been, you hope for one more chance to do things differently, to make things right, or simply to talk things over. Some people are lucky enough to have that, but sometimes, we do not get second chances no matter how hard we try or wish.

Loss of a loved one is heavy, unanswered questions come with it. Unresolved issues come to the fore, but the finality of death is such that there is no second chance with the person who is no more. No one is ever prepared for loss, and grief manifests in different ways. You might think you are fine one moment then the next you find yourself completely immersed in grief. The pain might never really go away, this is something you don’t get over, but you get past it with time and you learn to live with it.  

Can we get past this?

I think I have just the right person for you. You are smart and beautiful, I wonder why no one has taken you off the market yet. 

Boma was on Vee's case, they had been friends for a long time and she had been married for 15 years, a feat they were currently celebrating. Vee was beautiful and successful but this part of her life had been on a standstill for as long as Boma could remember. Vee was a loyal friend, as she stood there attending to guests, Boma could not help but be grateful for this friend of hers. The anniversary party turned out to be much more fun than they anticipated.

By the end of the day when they all settled down, the ladies did the usual, analysing different scenarios and laughing at some. It was always fun for them. All of a sudden, with a matter of fact look on Boma's face, I meant what I said earlier today she said to Vee. I do know someone I think you might like. Vee was not opposed to being set up, so asked for all the details. 

Shocked into a kiss

They were attending a seminar and he seemed to have an eye for Anita. On the other hand, another colleague of hers, Sonia, had an eye for him. Anita was oblivious…what a love triangle!

The two ladies got on very well and were fun loving people. They worked hard but also partied hard. Over the years of them working together, they had cultivated friendship between one another. They worked in different locations, so each time they saw themselves, they made the best of it. This time was no different as they were attending a regional work conference.

After a long three days of many sessions, they all went out for dinner then dancing afterwards. As the night progressed, alcohol flowed and the giggles were more than usual. Each person showed their skills on the dance floor, it was interesting to watch. When the whole team was calling it a night, Bruce offered to drop Anita and Sonia, it was his town anyway. Sonia settled in the front seat while Anita sat behind. Sonia was to fly out the next morning while Anita had a day to discover the town.

Friend poaching

A friend shared the photo below with me as she was not pleased about a certain friend who would always corner every new friend she introduced and exclude her from activities. I wondered whether the friend made plans with the third parties when she was unavailable for instance but according to her, that was not the case.

On the other hand, I have seen a number of posts where people mention that friendships these days do not seem to have any depth, or how loyalty and integrity seem to be missing.

Beaches and snorkeling in Zanzibar, Tanzania

Please read my previous post on how the trip started 😊

While I was looking for a hotel, one of the things that caught my attention was the fact that the owner has a private boat and the reviews I saw talked of how much it was a delight to have a private boat which would provide the flexibility the guests needed.
I mentioned this to the other ladies and everyone was happy with it + there was a variety of options of things to do. Snorkeling was top on the list, then an evening boat ride to watch the sun set.

This watch tower was in between our hotel and the turtle aquarium

Our amazing guides

Finding spices, tortoises and doors in Zanzibar, Tanzania

There has been so much hype about Zanzibar, but at the same time, a few people weren't particularly thrilled. 

Being in the country, I knew I had to visit so I planned a trip with my sisters and three friends.

I seem to have written more on Tanzania than I have on any other country, here are some of the links. This was my first post then I did a bit in Kigoma. The next one will give you my general impressions and of course I went on a safari. Do check all the posts out when you have a chance.

We spent two days in Dar es Salaam catching up and me showing them the few places I know. Some of the places we went to were Cape town fish market, we all loved the food.

Cape town fish market overlooks the ocean

We watched the sun set, look at that sky line

Holiday in Scotland continued

The next day was my birthday and we planned to do some more site seeing but had no real plan. I walked into the bathroom and returned to a beautiful pair of shoes and a set of perfumes from my travel buddy. I tried the shoes on in my towel and did modelling which just cracked Bukky up! 

Smiles for the new year

Yo Peace, positivity all the way...

Salmon and potatoe recipe

I visited a friend in November and being the food lover that I am, I prepared a certain dish for her. She enjoyed it so much and asked that I put the dish out here. When I have the time, I cook, my friend and I share that passion and tend to exchange recipes from time to time.

So this was a salmon and potato dish.

One thing is that I generally do not measure when I cook, I use my discretion for measurements but somehow the portions I end up using are always fine. I improvise a whole lot too. If I post many more dishes, you will notice that :-)

Ingredients:

- Salmon

- Spinach

- Potatoes

- Cheddar cheese (other types of cheese could work too)

- Green and red pepper

- Crème fraiche

- Salt

- Black pepper

- Onions

- Sesoning cubes or any other flavour you might like

On friendship

Zarah and Hassan had been friends for the longest time. They could have been described as best friends but for Hassan’s girlfriend. Zarah was cautious because she knew that Hassan’s girlfriend was not her biggest fan.

Hassan was known in Zarah’s family. When Hassan would visit the family house, he would call Zarah ahead to make a meal for him or bake for him or satisfy any food cravings he might have at the time of his visit. They supported each other, encouraged one another and they had a friendship that was worth admiring.

Years had passed and they both lived in different cities so they did not see each other as frequently as they used to. Zarah was going to leave for her studies overseas and Hassan was set to marry his girlfriend. Zarah and Hassan were not pleased that she would miss Hassan’s wedding, she had been looking forward to it. So Hassan went to Zarah’s family home to spend the weekend with her and her family before her departure. About a month after she left, the wedding took place. She spoke to the couple giving them her best wishes and for once, Hassan’s wife sounded pleasant. Zarah took it that her insecurities had been laid to rest.

Tales from my last trip

Last month I spent some time in four countries in Europe, I had fun but at the end of the trip I realised that I did not rest which tends to happen all the time when I go on holiday. Being an early bird, my body clock automatically comes to life at such an early hour.  Here are my impressions on each city:

BELGIUM

Brussels - This city did not grow on me, not in the least. It is beautiful but for some reason, I found getting to places somewhat tedious and different places seemed far from each other. I am unsure whether this was all in my head. At some point despite having maps, I ended up chatting with bus drivers on where I planned to go, they gave their advice which helped. Transportation can be easily accessed, there are metros and buses that run through the city. I was meant to meet someone who has lived there for over a decade but at the end, we were unable to meet. However, after my discussion with her, we both agreed that Brussels is rough at the edges and might best be enjoyed when a local shows you around. I speak French so I had no trouble communicating but I noticed that in the tourist areas, locals were more than happy to speak English.



 Grand place, Brussels

Faded

He once looked in those eyes and saw them burning with love for him, but as he looks in them now, the coldness he sees terrifies him.

The love started to fade, it slowly turned to friendliness.

When he kissed her, she was no longer there. He told her that she was not with him anymore but she asked for his patience. There were things troubling her that she needed to sort out.

Excuses started to find their way in, like they had different interests, but he dismissed that as he wondered if the word compromise meant anything to her.

What they had was beautiful, but she got scared, they both loved hard, they loved deeply, but she was not ready for a lifetime commitment.

He waited for her to own up to her decision, he gave her time. And she did, but an end to any relationship always hurts.

She was ready before she even told him, she took down everything that stood for their years together before she even ended things with him.

He walked away angry that she threw it all away just like that but he kept it all together. He was angry that she became cold and he moved on without grieving the loss.

But it came back and it hit him hard, it broke him, he missed her even though he hated to.

But life has continued…he has picked up the pieces, life has continued…

Embracing futility 3

If you missed the last two parts, please read them here: part 1 and part 2

PART 3

These love birds grew closer by the day. Working in the same environment and having him ahead of her was a great feeling. There was a security she felt knowing he might be somewhere around, it gave her pleasure when they bumped into each other. She could speak her medical jargons to someone and he would get it. That someone was the one she loved and it made her walk with a spring in her step. It was the same for him, who else could he talk to? He had her to catch him, to encourage him and to boost his ego. He was sure that she would be a part of his life for a very long time.

Two years had gone by since their reunion, there were hurdles of course but they got through them. They sat one day, reminiscing on times past, talking about the times they both might have acted silly, teasing one another and laughing at each other. They did not become a boring old couple even after getting back together, they could laugh, play, tease one another, yet none would take offence. They were a couple to admire. He knew that he could not spend the rest of his life without her. She felt the same but on that subject, nobody had said a word. There were times that it haunted him, he wondered whether someone else would beat him to it, yet he could not imagine her being with any other person. There were days on her part that she wondered when this subject would be spoken about but she just watched.

Embracing Futility 2

If you missed the first part, please read it here.

Part 2

Finally he returned. To everyone’s joy, he seemed fine. Chichi heard he was back but was not bold enough to face him, yet.

Time passed, life continued, then she met someone. He came like a whirlwind, she had those butterflies every time he came around. They went from being friends to lovers so easily. He thrilled her in so many ways. One evening they had an argument, she had never seen him so angry. They attended a party and were on their way home. They gave two of her friends who lived close to her a ride, and were all chatting away. When they all fell silent, he brought the subject of their quarrel up again. She did not appreciate that they had to talk about this with her friends in the car even though they tried to speak in hushed tones. As they talked, they soon started to yell at each other. He parked the car and looked her way, she saw the coldest look ever and with one sentence, she knew it was not meant to be. "Get the fuck out of my car" he said to her.

She could be stubborn, she knew, and this was one of the days to be that way. "I am not going anywhere. If I must get out, you must make sure there is a taxi to take me home. You picked me up from mine, remember?". Her friends must have been stunned, but did not say anything. One of them made a certain hmmm sound repeatedly to show her disgust at all the drama. She made the sound in that Nigerian way that passed a clear message. Chichi sat unfazed that it drained the energy he had. He drove and she prayed, because she knew that this speed could kill them but she would not say a word. When he got to the front of her house, they all got out without even looking at him.

Uh oh!

Uh oh!

On hearing that exclamation and a scream to follow, his mother instantly knew that there was trouble! As harmless as that exclamation sounded, her oldest son only used it when he had a serious situation in front of him.

They were a family of six, very closely knit. Mrs Idoko stopped at having three children initially, but years after , she wanted another so badly, a girl. She was tired of these three soldiers staring back at her with hard faces all the time. She wanted to be able to dress her girl in pink, use ribbons on her hair and eventually when the girl would grow up, she would have someone who would whine to her. Every girl would run back to her mother at some point she liked to believe. Well, she did. A lot!

Haunted

Drops of lime
Beats of fame
Wrong decision
No one knows the pain

Drinks, laughter and joy
Blood, sweat and tears
Bawling uncontrolled
Darkness enveloping

Shutting the world out
Nobody knows the pain
Just there for the gain
Around only when it's rosy

Loved ones become the enemy
Angels are the least respected
One moment is life changing
Bringing with it joy abounding

Healing words from total strangers
Hurtful ones by the ones called friends
Shifting notions
A price too heavy to pay

Counsel once given
Caution thrown to the wind
Riding wild horses
Bitter sweet memories to cherish forever

Blood is thicker than water
The saying as true as can be
Time may heal
But the layers thicken

La raison d’être

2014 started not so long ago and as always, so many people started the year with New Year resolutions and high expectations but these do not last very long, do they? It is MAY already!

Loved ones may have passed on but we are still here. It cannot just be a fluke; there is a reason for your being alive still.

Do good

We come across different people in our life time. A group of these people could have particular missions in our lives and once that is done, they leave. Others come to remain in our lives forever and of course there are those who may not have our best interest at heart. But be good to all despite the kind of people you may come across.

It is also worth knowing when to let go. I remember this one time when I found myself in a situation where I refused to let go but held onto this friend. I was asked a question by another friend who is much older than I am. “If you have a dog that you love so much but despite your love for it, it bites you all the time, will you keep it?”

Trapped II

If you missed Trapped last week, please read it here.

Bewilderment, shock, betrayal, anger, hate all coursed through Laura. She was unsure of what to do. Her boyfriend still in pain tried hard to get himself off the floor, I had hit him really hard, foot and arm right in his groin and face that a part of him must have thought of getting me back.

Rape? Woody? How? The three words he heard Laura say. He asked himself also when. He came here to meet Laura’s best friend but this crazy person? 

He remembered vaguely how his friends cheered him on, it was his turn to prove himself. The things peer pressure does to people! And it all came back to him.

Trapped

In order for this story not to be too long, I have split it into two parts, the next part will be published in a week :-)

As I walked through the dark alley, those words came right back to me…

Down memory lane, it was twelve years ago that I met Laura. We instantly took to each other, we got along so well like we had been friends for a life time. This was strange and new to me. I had always been the one never to get along with people so it had to be a sign. Whatever sign it was, it just wasn't clear.

It became normal to see each other every other day or else it felt like something was missing. Years passed by and somehow in my head, we were to grow apart but that didn't happen. As often as we saw, we always had so much to talk about, this was too good to be true to me.

Frustration explained

I once read a piece titled ‘The Writers Curse’. That curse is exactly what controls me right now, I sit here not sure where I am going with what I write but I am compelled to write, and write I will do...

Chinyere and Tobi were best of friends, they had grown up together and despite being girls, they never had 'trouble' living together. These two had to move in with Nkiru, another friend of theirs who was the sweetest person, a doting mother hen as Tobi always teased.

Unnecessary issues as Nkiru called them seemed to come up every day at work. Having a boss who didn’t appreciate a ‘small girl’ (as he liked to say) standing up to him was not the easiest task. He seemed to make extra efforts to find faults in everything she did. Being human, the pressure began to get to her but the mistake she made was bottle it all up.