Monday, 9 January 2023

The Myth Called Closure

Ever found yourself in a position where you were unconsciously chasing after closure? Or so needy of it that you hinged moving on on it? It’s not uncommon, a good lot of us have been there.

Through loss, pain, hurt, break up or whatever situation it might have been, you hope for one more chance to do things differently, to make things right, or simply to talk things overSome people are lucky enough to have that, but sometimes, we do not get second chances no matter how hard we try or wish.

Loss of a loved one is heavy, unanswered questions come with it. Unresolved issues come to the fore, but the finality of death is such that there is no second chance with the person who is no more. No one is ever prepared for loss, and grief manifests in different ways. You might think you are fine one moment then the next you find yourself completely immersed in grief. The pain might never really go away, this is something you don’t get over, but you get past it with time and you learn to live with it.  

Break ups might look easier as the person still lives. It could be that the love faded, the couple grew apart or even the darker side where one of the persons was at risk and had to walk away. It is hard nonetheless. With broken relationships, many wonder what they could have done differently. If you find yourself in a situation where you might have the opportunity to talk things over, do it if that would make you feel better! Better to try than to be left wondering.  But bear in mind that it could be a 50/50 situation where your long speeches may get you answers or may leave you more disappointed.

Betrayal is a tricky one, it makes you question the person you thought you knew all along. It would make you wish you could go back in time to probably erase the friendship you once had. Confusion, anger, resentment are familiar feelings that could build up when betrayed by people you once trusted. Picking up the pieces and starting again can take time.

However, there is the other school of thought that says that closure is overrated, it is a scam, a myth that sometimes even causes avoidable pain. I know people close to me that are of this school of thought. For them, there is no need, especially when people walk away with no explanation or obvious reason. Keep it moving and let it be, instead of trying to solve the puzzle. Closure comes from within you. The thing is, you could go searching and in trying to get someone who has moved on to talk, it gets upsetting and in some ways humiliating. So if you have the ability to, I know it is hard for some, keep it moving. I had to learn this and I have known peace as it works for me.

People grow apart and it is okay to accept that you might have served your purpose in another person's life, so it is time to move on. The worst thing is to be trapped in a cycle looking for closure. 

2 comments:

  1. Interesting perspective on keeping it moving. The doctor in me always likes to solve problems. Learning that not everything has a solution.

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    1. Exactly, not everything has a solution. And we do not have control over everything.

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