May ~ Mental Health Awareness Month

 “Like sand through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives” – a phrase I heard regularly on TV during my childhood. One I’ve come to appreciate now. By the way, if this was part of your childhood, you probably know the TV programme I’m referring to and you’ve earned the right to be called an elder 😊 I'd be keen to know if you know which programme it is.

The sun setting over Yangon

Every sunset and sunrise come with the hope that we could still do something meaningful. We trudge on through life despite the many challenges and we sometimes take for granted the things and people we think will always be there. Someone here today may be gone tomorrow, and nothing is guaranteed. The line of everyone is fighting their own battle has become excessively popular. The world is much harder than it used to be which takes its toll on people in different ways. Mental health being one hidden part, as it doesn’t instantly show.

May, I’ve heard is mental health awareness month, and in one way or the other, we all deal with mental health issues. There used to be so much stigma around admitting to not being okay, but increasingly, people are able to speak more openly about it. There are also more resources available now to help people deal with different situations.

In certain professions, unfortunately, overworking and sometimes burnout is glorified, which leaves people assuming that it is normal. But I know from experience that speaking out is always the first step to seeking and finding a solution. People typically tend to delay speaking out or seeking professional help with mental health issues for fear of stigmatisation. 

Interestingly, I found that the World Health Organisation (WHO) and the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (both UN agencies) have jointly developed a publication entitled "Mental health, human rights and legislation: guidance and practice". See an excerpt below:

"Mental health is growing as a public health priority and human rights imperative, and an increasing number of countries are wishing to adopt or reform legislation related to mental health. However, laws on mental health, currently often fail to address discrimination and human rights violations including in mental health care settings. In order to support countries in this area, the World Health Organisation and the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights have jointly developed the publication which you can find here: Mental health, human rights and legislation: guidance and practice (who.int)"

Reading stories of some who dealt with major mental health challenges and came out of it, some were waiting for acknowledgement or validation which never came. They were brave enough to take the bull by the horn and seek help, despite the stigma sometimes. In many cases, you have to be your own hype woman or man and make the best out of the fleeting moments of this life that you have, which includes your mental wellbeing.

A Very African Problem

Pilar had been quite stressed at work and was looking forward to getting away from her life in Bangui, Central African Republic. It had increasingly become unsafe with more and more car jackings taking place. The curfew constantly made her feel imprisoned, it was midnight at first, then it moved to 11pm but was recently changed to 9:30pm. What could anyone possibly do before 9:30pm? The only time to socialise was during weekends, people from different organisations organised barbecues and house parties during the day. From 8pm, one by one, everyone would start to jump into their cars, contacting their various radio rooms to announce their return home, not to contravene security rules. The country was known for its constant conflicts. Rock club was always full during the weekend, of those wanting to swim, to play tennis or to just sit out in the sun. Hôtel Ledger was known for their Sunday brunch and also had a nice pool, then hôtel Oubangui, not the fanciest but had good massages. These were some of the things that helped Pilar decompress during weekends.

There Is No One Size Fits All Approach To Stress And Burn Out

Not so long ago, when reference was made to burn out and stress, there was a tendency to think it was something far fetched. Or something that had other forms in which it manifested. However, more people are coming to terms with this and how it is linked to mental health. From my experience, I realised that a good number of people are indeed stressed, burnt out and in dire need of a break. It manifests little by little, our body tells us, then as the signs accumulate, chronic stress manifests and some people never recover from it. At this time, immunity is weakened, which could easily culminate in chronic or terminal illnesses. It creeps on you slowly then spirals out of control.

In the bid to be great at what we do, we sometimes lose ourselves or forget to pay attention to ourselves. Being overworked or stressed these day seems to come with a badge of honour, which makes me wonder why we glorify stress. 

When it gets to the point where we can no longer go on or on those days when it all seems too much, one would like the world to pause for just one minute. But you realise in horror that the world can be cruel and life just seems to go on. One also wonders if some people who are able to stay disconnected from their feelings have a super power. The quick realisation of being dispensable hits differently. From holding it together for so long, it is easy to fall apart. And fall you might, very hard. Through certain kinds of events, you also get to realise which of the people around you you can really rely on. 

Played

It’s A Match…the familiar pop up from the dating app showed on his screen.

He didn’t care so much anymore. He had had several matches, some seemed cool while others were clearly there to grind and move on. It kept him entertained, which he was enjoying.  A few messages came in, this one seemed to know how to hold a conversation. They both were spontaneous and met same day. She was even more beautiful and charming in person. Her photos did not do her justice.

He’d been chatting with another person, they got on really well, but with the strange times in the world, they were yet to meet each other. Video calls, voice calls and chats were all useful thanks to covid, but it was wild that the whole time, 3 birthdays had passed, and she never remembered his birthday. So, for the third year, he erased hers from his memory. With this in mind, he had decided that were he to match with anyone, he would meet in person as soon as possible, then decide if they wanted to remain in touch or move on.

When it all makes you numb...

We visited a village on a work trip and one of my colleagues seemed so fascinated by something. I saw her trying to take a photo but I hardly paid attention as there was a lot happening.

Much later she showed me this photo:

Look closely at the drawing 

Your guess is as good as mine! My heart broke at the realisation.

Since coming to this country, many things that seem to be normal to people here are things that I do not find normal in any sense of the word.

My 'what just happened?' moment

When last did you have one of those 'what just happened?' moments? The type that leaves you feeling cheated! That was exactly how I felt a week ago! I'll tell you all about it...

Each year, I try to make friends from different ages, different places and different walks of life. Older, younger, my age. We could easily lose touch with the way different generations think and feel like our way is the only way. So I keep friends from different ages, this helps me understand trends, new language, get wisdom, be crazy etc... This year I have not done very well with that.

Well, a young man followed me on instagram and started to send me messages asking to meet me. I didn't think anything was out of place. I looked through his profile and saw that he was indeed young. One of the days I had time for him, we had a brief chat...it was like I made a mistake. From then on, he wouldn't let me be. He was asking to meet as he wanted to be friends. Our lives are out there on social media anyway, and just about anybody can reach out to us. I told him I would let him know when next I would be in Dar es Salaam. I was in Dar a few times but my time there was always busy so I didn't have time to meet him.

Where is my ogbono soup?

If you live outside your home country, you would know the craving of food from home that comes every now and then.

I had one of those cravings over the weekend and cooked up a storm. I made different sauces, what we call soups in Nigeria. I made ogbono (irvingia) and egusi (melon) soups. With satisfaction I packed it all in bowls, each bowl enough for two servings, and put them away in the freezer. It has been four months since I had any of these delicacies.

My mother, bless her, by now is used to her children moving away from home every now and then. She is always ready to pack some Nigerian food stuff for us to move with. When she was doing her job, I kept telling her how the food she was packing was too much. She packed it anyway and packed my suitcase for me :-) On days when I have the craving for any of these food items, I am thankful for her wisdom. 

Mindfulness Meditation: wrapping up 2016

Sometime this year, I started to look more into meditation and mindfulness. I was looking to reconnect with myself on a certain level, and I knew what I needed to do.

My god mother and her husband are mindfulness meditation instructors and naturally I turned to them. My god mother gave me two books written by her husband on the subject. And guess what! He signed them, whoop whoop!

Happiness and How It Happens: Finding Contentment Through Mindfulness

Mindfulness and Compassion: Embracing Life with Loving Kindness

Musing

What do you do when every principle you ever stood for gets tested?

How do you react when lies, deceit and obscenities get juxtaposed as your new truth?

How do you defend the very thing that once was all you ever held onto as your belief?

How do you set up new values to substitute for what your very character was built on?

What explanation can be given for the fact that all the efforts, all the hard work seem to pass right through your fingers with no reward?

How do you face the world with your new findings about life?

How do you face the world after all the strength you ever had has come out of you from the tears that have ceased to stop flowing?

How do you explain the pain that sits in your gut and never seems to go away from the loss?

How do you explain the fact that peace and contentment seem to elude you?

Why do people tend to take good people for granted? Or why do the good ones die first?

How do you explain that sometimes love just won't be reciprocated?

Where is the world headed to with all the horror we see, hear about and live in?

How do you explain that all the trials and tests are meant to make one a stronger person as the say?

How can you explain that life comes with no manual but each person has to stumble, fall then find his/her way?

Faded

He once looked in those eyes and saw them burning with love for him, but as he looks in them now, the coldness he sees terrifies him.

The love started to fade, it slowly turned to friendliness.

When he kissed her, she was no longer there. He told her that she was not with him anymore but she asked for his patience. There were things troubling her that she needed to sort out.

Excuses started to find their way in, like they had different interests, but he dismissed that as he wondered if the word compromise meant anything to her.

What they had was beautiful, but she got scared, they both loved hard, they loved deeply, but she was not ready for a lifetime commitment.

He waited for her to own up to her decision, he gave her time. And she did, but an end to any relationship always hurts.

She was ready before she even told him, she took down everything that stood for their years together before she even ended things with him.

He walked away angry that she threw it all away just like that but he kept it all together. He was angry that she became cold and he moved on without grieving the loss.

But it came back and it hit him hard, it broke him, he missed her even though he hated to.

But life has continued…he has picked up the pieces, life has continued…

That game...

They both say that there is nothing, when it's rather clear to all.

It's fleeting we can all tell as there is no basis for sustenance.

The feelings are consuming them both, the attraction cannot be hidden.

It's a game, an interesting one, but there is a snag...

They've both walked down the aisle with different people!