Wrapping Up 2015

I am putting some thoughts I have had in the last week down and this will be my last post this year.

Spending time with loved ones  - So my friend and I were talking about Christmas and we were talking about how our families always spend Christmas together, but I was saying that I might break the tradition next year as I would like to travel at Christmas. Her response was don't do that, the whole family should travel. I wondered why I hadn't thought about that option, but thinking about it, I realised that I had probably concluded that travelling at Christmas might not be a preferred option as they like to travel earlier in the year. Well, she lost her mother a few months ago and her family had spent Christmas in a certain country for the past three years or so, but the plan was to spend it elsewhere this year. Plans changed as her mum is no longer here and things were left undecided, Christmas would never be the same, it must have been especially hard this year being the first one without her.

Tales from my last trip

Last month I spent some time in four countries in Europe, I had fun but at the end of the trip I realised that I did not rest which tends to happen all the time when I go on holiday. Being an early bird, my body clock automatically comes to life at such an early hour.  Here are my impressions on each city:

BELGIUM

Brussels - This city did not grow on me, not in the least. It is beautiful but for some reason, I found getting to places somewhat tedious and different places seemed far from each other. I am unsure whether this was all in my head. At some point despite having maps, I ended up chatting with bus drivers on where I planned to go, they gave their advice which helped. Transportation can be easily accessed, there are metros and buses that run through the city. I was meant to meet someone who has lived there for over a decade but at the end, we were unable to meet. However, after my discussion with her, we both agreed that Brussels is rough at the edges and might best be enjoyed when a local shows you around. I speak French so I had no trouble communicating but I noticed that in the tourist areas, locals were more than happy to speak English.



 Grand place, Brussels

Faded

He once looked in those eyes and saw them burning with love for him, but as he looks in them now, the coldness he sees terrifies him.

The love started to fade, it slowly turned to friendliness.

When he kissed her, she was no longer there. He told her that she was not with him anymore but she asked for his patience. There were things troubling her that she needed to sort out.

Excuses started to find their way in, like they had different interests, but he dismissed that as he wondered if the word compromise meant anything to her.

What they had was beautiful, but she got scared, they both loved hard, they loved deeply, but she was not ready for a lifetime commitment.

He waited for her to own up to her decision, he gave her time. And she did, but an end to any relationship always hurts.

She was ready before she even told him, she took down everything that stood for their years together before she even ended things with him.

He walked away angry that she threw it all away just like that but he kept it all together. He was angry that she became cold and he moved on without grieving the loss.

But it came back and it hit him hard, it broke him, he missed her even though he hated to.

But life has continued…he has picked up the pieces, life has continued…

Them Drivers

The rage steaming through blood shot eyes,
the chaos because of such horrible drivers,
no sense of direction, no adherence to driving rules,
hurry...simply no patience!
They all just want to hit the road and in the bid to get on fast,
they only succeed in causing jams everywhere.

Sirens blaring, whips held high.
It's disturbing, absolutely crazy!
What are they? Drivers or Uniforms?
Does that make them any more 'CITIZENS' than anyone else?

Traffic rules are broken and there are simply no consequences.
Auto crashes all around the city everyday,
bodies pulled out, rushing to hospitals...
How bad can it get???
Driving in Abuja, hmmmm
Gets worse by the day, seems like a constant car race.


First published in June 29, 2009

It's a question of identity

I was travelling in Europe recently and in one of the countries where I was, my host asked me if I could speak "South African". Before that question, she had spoken extensively about how she was in love with Africa and how when she was younger, she used to perform African songs as she was in a band. She has never visited and hopes to someday. It might sound like a cliché but she spoke about Africa like it was a country.  I indulged her and listened, before I could answer, she went on anyway. She mentioned that she had never visited Africa but was keen to do so. The next question, I can't remember how exactly she framed it but it came across like Tanzania, South Africa and Botswana were all cities that were next to each other. At this point, I told her to give me a minute then I pulled up this map of Africa.

Root n Raw 2

 As I walked in, the first thing that jumped at me was the stage back drop. The material used looked like shredded cloth, almost like patches of cotton wool but it had a mix of bright colours, red, blue, white, yellow, orange...the light had some effects that might have made me see colours that were not there maybe, hahahahaaha. Someone welcomed us all at 7:20pm and the show started.

Atta Lennel started on the piano, he played a soft, soothing tune,

All about my Sky Diving Experience

I always knew that I wanted to go sky diving but I was unsure of when I would do it and where. Sometime in July 2012, I had a trip planned to Tampa, Florida and as the time drew closer I called my friend who was going to host me to let her know my plan. She immediately got on it and sure enough there were places, but she found a super amazing deal with Jump Florida Skydiving. Skydives were going for half the price! Payments were made and my dive was booked, but we were notified that it would be dependent on the weather.

On the appointed day, while we were on our way, the weather seemed slightly off and we were called to let us know that the weather was not so great, so there could be a delay or the worst (cancellation) might happen. I didn’t like the sound of the latter. It was about an hour’s drive from where my friend lived. It was far out as there had to be enough space for an air strip. We went on anyway.

When we got there, the first thing I had to do was paper work. One of the things I had to sign was a disclaimer stating that if anything went wrong, they would not be held liable. It made me think really hard so I proceeded to ask a few questions about safety, their equipment and how to use the parachute. I was given a mini tutorial and told certain things I would need to do and how my instructor would communicate with me in the air, then I signed the papers. I had come that far and would not allow fear to stop me. I got strapped with my kit and off we went.

And I had a hang over...

A few of us got together to organise a baby shower for a friend of ours.
On the day of the shower, one of us was saddled with the task of bringing her to the venue under the guise that we were going for karaoke. The idea had been sold to her and she bought it, infact we gave her the liberty to choose a date which happened to be the date we had all agreed on. P, the one who was to bring her to the venue made her believe that they would have a quick stop so she could collect something from a mutual friend of theirs before proceeding to the karaoke venue.

When they arrived at their friend's house which happened to be the venue, P sent a message to notify us that they were downstairs so the lights were switched off and we all stood slightly away from the door. The door bell rang and the host went to answer the door. Being the gregarious person that she is, we all heard her voice, she came through first. As she opened the door, we all shouted surprise in a chorus. She shut the door, that reaction was priceless. She was ushered in and we all could not help but laugh at her. She kept pointing at us one by one and recounting what we told her earlier in the day and how we managed to leave her behind in the office.

Exploring manipulation 3

If you missed the last two parts, read part one here and two here

There were so many factors that stood against the relationship from the start; my dad had always said none of us would marry a non Igala person, he was a professor and wanted me to follow in his footsteps, he was from a place my people were already prejudiced about, I was in my final year while he was just starting university over again, even though he was 5 years older than me, and finally, I was a church girl and he was a bad boy. There were enough reasons to conclude that it wouldn’t work, the odds were against us. But something kept me close to him...I kept telling every one of my friends who asked me why I stayed that he has a beautiful heart. It didn’t make sense but that was it. I made things difficult for him. Somehow I had convinced myself that nothing good lasts forever so this great thing I had going wouldn't last, so I lived in hopeless fear that it would end. I kept breaking up with him, so I could save myself the trouble but he kept chasing me.

Exploring Manipulation 2

If you missed the last part, please read it here.

Fast forward to 2004, I had just returned from my industrial attachment in Abuja where I met the craziest girl I've ever known. Sandy was a wild bird, she was a dancer who wore small shirts and tight trousers that encased her skinny legs. She had the brightest smile and said the most obscene things. I wanted to be like her! This girl was one year older than I was and was openly doing the sort of dancing I only dreamed of. But I think I loved her more because she spoke her mind unapologetically. She reminded me of who I used to be when I was younger. Over the years, because of the beating and the sexual abuse, I had turned into a quiet mousy kind of girl, a recluse to put it better. My clothes were baggy because I was hoping that would ward off male attention. I was quiet except with people I was comfortable with, then I danced only in secret because I was too shy to dance in front of people. Well, Sandy was like a role model. She was a National Youth Service Corps member and I was an IT (Industrial training) student, but we became instant pals. Her birthday was on February 13th and that year, she was leaving for the U.K. on the 15th to seek better things, so I decided to do something I had never done before. 

So????

It only gets bigger and better!
When you convince yourself that you can’t do something
without even giving it a try and you finally
give it a shot and succeed at it,
the best way to describe this success is . . ."SWEET”.

Some people are not worth any time, stress or attention.
While climbing up, you certainly can’t take everyone along.
Some will slow you down,
some will encourage you,
some will even try to stop you.

Someone once asked;
‘If you have a puppy, you love it soooooo much
but all it does is bite and hurt you.
Will you still keep it?’
Some people give you reason to think really hard.

Blue moods………Grey shades…………….
Bright and dull, success and failure!
There’s only one life to live.
Make the best of it.
Success is so sweet…………


First published on January 22, 2009

Exploring Manipulation

So it all started when I was thirteen years old and my parents had their usual fight, with my dad pummeling away as usual. The beating had obviously been going on since I was born but I only became aware of it when I was seven. We had just returned from London where we lived for about four years as my dad went for his PhD.

The first time I witnessed my dad beating my mum, it took me by surprise. As a child, I was feisty and bold. I hated that he was beating her and I made the ‘mistake’ of jumping in between them to try and stop him...I took a good beating! That's probably where all my problems with my father started. Every time they had a fight, as long as I was around I would jump in, yelling for him to stop and tell him that he was doing the wrong thing. I grew up telling my dad he was wrong most of the time and I got beaten for it, a lot.

That game...

They both say that there is nothing, when it's rather clear to all.

It's fleeting we can all tell as there is no basis for sustenance.

The feelings are consuming them both, the attraction cannot be hidden.

It's a game, an interesting one, but there is a snag...

They've both walked down the aisle with different people!

Is there a myth behind turning thirty?

It seems like the thirties bring so much responsibilty with the age.

Some moan about things they are yet to achieve or where they think they should be but aren't.

I remember when I turned thirty, I was sad. I was happy to stay at home (it was during a weekend) and brood over my age but my partner would not let me! He organised a dinner then the day rang in while we were out dancing. It was nice to have people around but as the day came, a certain kind of fear gripped me, it was something I could not explain. I felt like I had fallen short after being weighed on my scale of expectations. 

Note that I always have to do lists and when I do not meet certain expectations, I berate myself over it, continuously. My amazing family and partner were there, the day was a great one with all the presents and love.

Twenty first century young adults

Over the last year and a half, I have been volunteering to work with young adults from teenage to early twenties. It has been very interesting, shocking and I have learnt so much.

It has been interesting because I have met some truly driven people who inspire me.

Shocking, at the level of ignorance considering that this generation has everything at their disposal to learn. The effects social media has on these children is saddening as it is mostly negative. The selective reading tilts more to gossip and entertainment but little about things that could help to build them up.

But I have also met some extremely intelligent and super driven ones who impress me each time we speak. I learn from all of them.

Last weekend, the topic we were discussing was 'my big picture'. It was a topic we discussed for a period of time. We took turns, with each person having to talk about their plans and goals, and it was inevitable to present such a topic without giving some practical examples including personal ones. I talked about one goal I hoped to achieve which I have already started working towards.

Sharing pictures

“The ethics of using pictures of people, especially children who don't have the power to decide whether and how their image is used in the press is complex but they must be treated with sensitivity and dignity”…seeing this as a facebook friend’s status accompanied by a naked crying girl, running along with other children in a conflict situation struck a chord deep in me. 

The issue of pictures being taken and published without consent especially with people who might not be able to challenge that action tends to keep getting a reaction from me. A colleague and I were discussing this topic and she mentioned a post that went viral of a fellow European who went to Africa as an aid worker but the person was all about taking selfies in the midst of 'suffering' Africans. That was certainly not the motive for this person being sent to Africa.  In portraying the picture of suffering Africans, how about showing pictures also of the nice places where these selfie crazed people eat, live and hang out…pictures of those places should equally fill the internet, because in the midst of the suffering, these workers find places that remind them somewhat of home where they feel safe.

In Control

Always said to function too efficiently, somewhat robotic with a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Meticulously arranging everything, the preference of things aligned and expecting to meet things where they were kept on return.

Each time expectations were not met, things were taken out quite hard on self. The biggest critic/judge but at the same time, the biggest motivator, has been and continues to be self.

The problem with being so strong or in control all the time is that when there is a break down, it is usually bad. They say the ones who appear strongest are usually the ones who are weakest inside.

 

Expectations fell short this time, targets were missed and the self beating was quite hard over that, for a bit too long, for the first time. Catching self then being convinced that it was fine to wallow in a little self pity and be vulnerable. 

Letting go was the beginning of trouble. Never having dealt with this mix of emotions, it was strange and extremely scary to be in that position. Starting to feel needy and expecting some form of validation… 

But from who?!

Photo credit: Google images