It seems like the thirties bring so much responsibilty with the age.
Some moan about things they are yet to achieve or where they think they should be but aren't.
I remember when I turned thirty, I was sad. I was happy to stay at home (it was during a weekend) and brood over my age but my partner would not let me! He organised a dinner then the day rang in while we were out dancing. It was nice to have people around but as the day came, a certain kind of fear gripped me, it was something I could not explain. I felt like I had fallen short after being weighed on my scale of expectations.
Note that I always have to do lists and when I do not meet certain expectations, I berate myself over it, continuously. My amazing family and partner were there, the day was a great one with all the presents and love.
I soon moved on and continued to do what I needed to do but as time passes so quickly, another birthday came. I turned thirty one and I was sure there would be no celebration but this partner of mine took me to dinner which turned out to be not so great. I think that date actually heightened my fears as we discussed our future plans and ended up having an argument. When we got home, he tried to cheer me up but I was sad. I turned away and went to bed in my miserable state of mind.
He insisted that we have people over for lunch the following weekend but so much happened in between that on the day, he was not in the best mood. I tried to keep the smile for the guests but I was not happy. Everything surrounding that birthday was just not right.
Two weeks before my thirty second birthday, I started to feel the same pressure build, the fear started to envelope me so I decided I would give myself a birthday present I would enjoy...what else but travel? I decided I would go away from the city where I live, to a city in Europe where I once lived. I thought I would spend time catching up with friends then travel to three other European cities, two I had never been to. That way, I would not be in reality, so to speak. My beautifully crafted plan crashed right in my face that same week as certain things were happening at work, I could have travelled but it might have seemed irresponsible of me. I had to move my travel plans to the following month so I was going to be stuck in reality again on my birthday, and I would be at work!
I asked a friend who turned thirty three a month before my birthday how he was feeling and he said he feels just fine. People reminded him that Jesus Christ was thirty three when he finished his work on earth but he replied that Jesus was trying to save the world, he did not have that intention, he had his whole life ahead of him. That made a lot of sense to me.
I've wondered why we put ourselves under so much pressure to fit the description of what society expects. It robs people of their happiness.
With this I chose to make peace with myself and enjoy life like I have always done and enjoy my thirties. I have enjoyed my thirty second birthday even before the day as I turned thirty two in my head from the time I started freaking out about it. I had allowed the last two to be miserable even though I smiled for the camera so I was not going to continue that way. I have been absolutely fine living it up in my thirties since I made that decision.