From One Place to Another

I woke up in a confused state, I was panicking, but my panic lasted for probably two minutes. I had no recollection of where I was, so I lay still, trying to remember. This is the fourth bed I have slept in in seven days…

I have been working in Eastern Cameroon since the end of June. There are a few border towns that have seen an influx of people from Central African Republic due to the conflicts that have been ongoing. Not to mention the other parts of the country that share borders with other countries dealing with various conflicts! There is a full blown humanitarian crisis and there are needs at different levels that have to be met.

During my last field trip, we drove into a place and I was unsure of what it was. It looked like a residence, but I figured that the owner might have built more rooms, then opened it to the public. The rooms were so small, then I opened the door that led to the bathroom. The bathroom was narrow, I would probably not be able to stretch my hands out if I stood in there. We asked for the toilets and were led outside, the lady pointed at two structures, shared toilets. I walked back to the car and waited for my colleagues to finish deliberating then I asked if there was another place. 

We got to the only other place in the village but the set up was not so different. Only this time, there was a toilet in the middle of the bathroom! My colleague must have felt sorry for me because he kept asking if I was okay. I assured him that I was, it was absolutely no fault of his that these places were the way they were. If I had ever called any hotel where we stayed before basic, this, I had no idea what classification to give.

The little flicker...

She finds it silly but her heart skips a beat each time she sees him walk through the door. 

Each time they sit to talk, they go on and on. They get on so well that she could swear that they knew each other before their meeting. They tease each other and share hearty laughter. They carry out tasks with such synchronisation, they don’t even have to think about it because it comes to them naturally.

 

The first time he made her chase him because he withheld information, she knew she would like this to happen with "the one". She loves to play and that’s a part she would not be willing to give up. She loves that about him.

Each time they went out, they were referred to as a couple based on assumptions. She sees the gentleness in his eyes, she sees a glint of fire when he looks at her. However, she noticed that he always avoided holding her gaze. On that day when their eyes locked, his words were “wow, you are beautiful”. The words came out before he could catch them.

 

It's obvious he cares and it seems like he would want more. That is a mutual feeling but for the circumstances they find themselves in, they both have to be adults. They both are not ready to take the plunge so they prefer to keep the friendship and not make an awkward situation of things. 

She hasn’t been oblivious of the times he has intentionally brushed her arm or other parts of her body, those brushes always make her heart quicken.

She looks up from her note pad and catches him staring and smiles at him. She sees him staring quite often from the corner of her eye but she tries to avoid staring back so they don’t get uncomfortable.

But it progresses in stages…from a brush, to a light touch, to hoping to be held and then it sits in her gut like a lump, too painful to swallow. But she is too proud to say anything. She is more old school and still believes that the best she would do is give the green light but he would have to make the move. 

She waits, impatiently, painfully, with such longing, it is hard. She is trying to think with her head and not her heart, and senses that he is equally doing the same.

Then she realises that this is nothing but a fantasy, one of the many pictures of a relationship that she has built over time in her wandering and very active mind, just a fraction of her wild imagination.

Musing

What do you do when every principle you ever stood for gets tested?

How do you react when lies, deceit and obscenities get juxtaposed as your new truth?

How do you defend the very thing that once was all you ever held onto as your belief?

How do you set up new values to substitute for what your very character was built on?

What explanation can be given for the fact that all the efforts, all the hard work seem to pass right through your fingers with no reward?

How do you face the world with your new findings about life?

How do you face the world after all the strength you ever had has come out of you from the tears that have ceased to stop flowing?

How do you explain the pain that sits in your gut and never seems to go away from the loss?

How do you explain the fact that peace and contentment seem to elude you?

Why do people tend to take good people for granted? Or why do the good ones die first?

How do you explain that sometimes love just won't be reciprocated?

Where is the world headed to with all the horror we see, hear about and live in?

How do you explain that all the trials and tests are meant to make one a stronger person as the say?

How can you explain that life comes with no manual but each person has to stumble, fall then find his/her way?

Her beautiful secret

He reappeared in her life just out of nowhere, the same way his calls came every now and then. They used to be class mates. He proposed that they meet up for lunch. While they waited for the meal, they talked of times past and filled each other in on what their lives had become; it was great to catch up. Their food was finally served and he began to stare at her in such an odd way that it made her uncomfortable and she started to spill her food. She couldn’t take it anymore so she stopped eating and stared right back at him, intensely. Then they both burst out laughing. ‘What?!’ she finally asked. He confessed then that he had always admired her but she always seemed out of his reach. She asked what changed and he teased himself saying that he only just became man enough.

Not All The Way Home 3

Part 3

Growing up was a trap Kate concluded! Life was so much easier before. Now she had to fight for what she believed in, she had to stand up for what was right and unbelievably, demand in some way  to be respected where she was looked down on. Finally, she was glad to have Mrs. in her corner as it took less energy now. Mrs. was a handful to deal with if you were not in her good books. Kate was not there to make best friends but to work, however, a cordial environment would certainly help.

The office was definitely different since six colleagues were laid off, there were mixed feelings, there was anger, people were still not convinced that the true reason was given why so many were let go. The case was reported to the National Human Rights Commission by two of the people who were let go. The Commission wrote to make enquiries of the case but was given a flimsy, very well thought out response that paralysed the Commission from taking any action. Knowing that this was an international organisation in a host country, there were restrictions as this organisation was covered by diplomatic immunities and privileges, there was not much the Commission could do.

Uncoupling

The last thing he felt like doing was wearing someone else’s skin today. He stared at the face looking at him in the mirror. It was an image he had seen every morning before he went off to work. But today, his eyes lingered over each feature. Wide eyebrows, deep brown eyes that were framed by unusually long lashes, cheekbones that were so high his cheeks hollowed out noticeably. His mouth was full with lips that thrust forward in a natural boyish pout and his skin; it was a blemish free, a smooth dark complexion that shone with health. He was perfect; on the outside.

With a determined glint in his eyes, he swung away from the mirror and walked into his private study and locked the door after him. His sleek apple desktop waited for him on the polished mahogany table, its blueish light casting an eerie shadow around the dark room. He glanced at his watch. It was almost time. He sat down in front of the computer and with one click he signed in on skype.

Her face came into focus quickly, fair and beautiful as always. Her bare pinkish lips were the first thing his eyes settled on. Her light brown eyes crinkled with a smile when she saw him.

Not All The Way Home - Part 2

Kate was left alone to her thoughts and burst into tears in shame, pity and God knows what other emotion she was feeling… Life as we know it is so unfair she thought to herself. She could not explain why she was so emotional, but her heart was fully in this. She knew the family of one of the men who would be laid off and wondered how they would cope.

She was a single woman, living the life of her dreams, earning so much money that she almost did not know what to do with it. She liked her job but not as much as she did her last. Then, she made tangible impact but now, it was more theoretic. 

She had a meeting she was not fully prepared for, so she pulled herself together as she needed to get her presentation finished. She had worked tirelessly to try to make her dear colleague see that she knew her job and was good at it but the Mrs. was adamant and had her mind made up. Some other colleagues had warmed up to her but would only refer to her as the pretty girl, her work was hardly spoken about. Mrs. was equally good at her job but was just being a WOMAN! 

They both reported to the same person, she was also a woman but was extremely pleasant. It was sometimes uncomfortable to be in the same room as Mrs. and the boss but Kate was not in the job to compete with or harm anybody.