Saturday, 5 October 2019

Anyway...

I have no need to care about how I look; how rough my cornrows are, or how oily my face is. There are no mirrors here anyway.

I should not be bothered much about the unsanitary conditions in which I have to live in certain villages, how I dread going around toilets or bathrooms. Who cares about cleanliness anyway.

I am probably worrying too much about a balanced diet looking for fruits and vegetables, when the only thing I find to eat here is meat and carbs. How many can afford to eat anyway.


I sit in a car through the difficult terrain and almost non existent roads which sometimes make my body ache. I have the luxury of a car when most people walk or ride bicycles anyway.

I can barely pick words in Songo and sometimes wish I could be part of conversations while I sit with them. Who cares about me understanding or contributing anyway.

When a friend asked "what wrong I had done" to be sent outside the capital, I still accepted the mission because I wanted to help out anyway.

I'm constantly on the move and always feel like I'm visiting wherever I stay, as all the places where I work are several kilometers away from the office. I do not have a support system and I'm unable to create one with my constant movement. But I get to travel around the country anyway.

When I get deeply moved by things or stressed and just need to rest, it comes off more as a sign of someone who is used to living in luxury. I should be fine with just a little discomfort especially since I'm African anyway.

On days when I miss my family and loved ones, on days when I get overwhelmed and question my choices, I still have to be reasonable as I'm probably too emotional anyway.

Even if the life of a humanitarian worker can be extremely challenging with us living and working in extreme conditions, even though sometimes we help at our own peril, we chose this job/life anyway.

8 comments:

  1. This one I must say is genius, it is deep and lighthearted at the same time.... through our varying degrees of life struggles we get by anyway!
    You are brave my friend and still human anyway (lol).

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  2. You can't be otherwise but yourself anyway.
    You're humane, strong willed, determined and fearless.
    May God strengthen you in times when you feel low and reward your efforts.

    You're warmly thought of.

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  3. I relate so much to this thanks for putting it on words later on you must try and shrug off the feeling of cobsidering these hard missions as trophys that people will care about.. Take care of yourself to every course there is to upgrade your skills humanitarian work is being done by tech whizz kids and the private sector... these hard missions are almost exclusively being sublet to local organisations....best of luck

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    1. Thanks for your comment. I'm not doing the work I do for a trophy, but I'm doing it because I think we make a difference to vulnerable people.
      The people who work for local organisations are not different, they feel the same way. I work with local people here and it is even harder for them sometimes as they are equally victims of the conflict.

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  4. Just hang in there. You're doing great

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