Saturday, 2 February 2013

Pearls Support Group Abuja

I was invited to a support group for women today, the topic for the day was: 'What is wrong with me? I am still not married' - catchy huh?
Women from different walks of life were there, married, single and widowed. Everyone had something tangible to add to the discussion. It was a productive session, it was also very educative. The openess amazed me. Hurting women, happy women, we all were there.

A woman shared some of her experiences in relationships, i.e. before she got married. She had been in a few abusive relationships, she didn't know any better. Another talked of how she felt everyone only wanted to take from her, some who seemed to have lost focus of why they should even be in a relationship talked of their experiences and we all came to a conclusion that sometimes, we are preoccupied with wanting to be 'hooked up' that we lose sight of who we are and why we should even be in a relationship.


Until you are comfortable in your own skin and have accepted who you are, the way you are and you are in a happy place, you may not be ready for a relationship. Getting into a relationship is not about your insecurities or the 'status' that comes with being in one. There is so much more like selflessness, sharing and you name it...


So I dare say, being single is not a curse, it is a phase in life just like childhood is a phase. What's the fuss about getting married anyway? Not to discredit marriage but not every married person is happy, there is a high divorce rate so why won't the single ones be left to take their time? Literally everyday, the single ones who are ripe for marriage by the society's judgement, get the question, 'when will you get married?.'
If there was a manual on how to get a husband/wife or there was a school to learn and find them, many people wouldn't be single, these things aren't planned. Some are not in a hurry, it may just not be time for others, life happened to some and people don't like to hear this but some who claim they want to get married are simply not ready. 

How about the men? Some are sure looking for miss perfect, miss curvacious, the non-existent doll they might have created in their minds.
Those dolls and for the ladies, those magazine men only exist in your subconscious, they aren't real. If you who may have dreamed them up are perfect, please contact me as I will be more than happy to showcase you to the world :-)

Accept this - nobody is perfect! Be ready to live with someone who you can complement and who brings out the best in you, someone with whom you can lay yourself bare and be truly honest with. Oh there will be fights, infact fights over things you cannot even remember but that's all part of the trip of it. So while you are single, enjoy the luxury of fooling yourself every now and then that your subconscious character exists but when you are faced with reality, open your eyes!

So here is one of the things some of the single people (women especially) are saying to the world. Hahahahahaha

12 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm Ene, this is a piece every single lady should read.it isn't All about getting mArried but doing it ryt. Its not how early but how well. Above all its God's timing that is the best time. Kudos to ur write up gal.

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  2. My dear u hv said it all,marriage is not the ultimate at all or d basis for a womans existence wen it comes it will.nobody should. Be judged for not getting married early or at all.Gods time is the best and he will make it beautful in his time,as rightly said not all married people are happy.so y hurriedly rush in land hurriedly rush out,it needs readiness from deep within.weldone dear,kip dis up.God bless

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    1. Thanks Bb, the worst thing anyone would do is to rush into marriage, it is a lifetime commitment.

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  3. Very Proud of you for coming. Thank you for gracing us with your presense.

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    1. I was blessed, I am glad I came and I look forward to attending more.

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  4. Tamize, u have said it all..single and content,till the right time!!

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  5. Reading this piece made me excited because this echoes my thoughts. Marriage is supposed to be enjoyed and its not something someone should just decide to settle for. You have to be ready to share your life and the person with whom you share your life has to be worth it. The picture at the end had me laughing really hard. Nice one Ene. Xxx

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    1. Oh that picture...Madea always has the answer ;) Xxx

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  6. Well spoken...as a lady, u indeed have to be happy wiv who u are. Sm1 recently sed to me 'yes u can change smtins abt urself wen in a relationship, but ensure its a change dat improves u as a person'.I love dat u spoke to d guys as well. There's no perfect relationship. Wat u put in is basically wat u get.

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    1. Thank you, we may smile for the camera and the public but when it comes down it, it saves us a whole lot when we face reality and do the work where necessary.

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