The journey to motherhood 2

If you missed the first part last week, please have a look here

Mrs B.

I am, or should I say, used to be one of those who desired to get pregnant on the wedding night. So two months into my marriage, I was already getting paranoid; sounds funny to me now, as I didn't know I had a bit of a long wait ahead. Six months into my marriage I discovered I was pregnant! You can imagine how ecstatic I was. There was nothing wrong with me after all, my husband was so happy too.

I kept telling myself I'd always heard that you didn't have to see a doctor until you are 3 months pregnant, and so I did not take any form of medication, not even folic acid! Two months into my miracle, I started seeing little stains of blood, I told myself not to worry as I'd also heard that spotting could be normal. However, a sixth sense pestered till I asked a close friend who had had a baby before, she asked what colour the stains were, I said dark red, and she got alarmed and told me not to waste any more time but to see a doctor! I had two scans from two different hospitals. The first said there was no fetal heartbeat. The second said there was after I asked. The doctor was more concerned with showing us the spot that signifies a baby and putting our minds to rest instead of telling us if all was actually well.

When I was scheduled for an evacuation eventually, my husband was still hopeful and tried arguing that the second scan said there was a heartbeat. But when I was asked if I still felt pregnant...that was my painful reality, I wasn't feeling pregnant any longer. The pain of the evacuation procedure has never equated the pain of the loss I feel up till now as some how, I blame myself. This was nothing compared to the pain of waiting, the worst pain ever!
I waited and waited for something to happen 6 months after the miscarriage. I had heard that taking in after a miscarriage was quite easy, but mine was not to be so.

The first 3 years of being married for me were the worst!
I found every little comment about being pregnant or having children quite annoying.
Even when people meant well, it just annoyed me. I decided to go out less, to avoid questions and looks that may or may not have been about babies

On the whole, I'd say everyone was supportive; family, friends, colleagues too. With my husband, it was a topic that was not difficult to discuss and we had agreed that on the 5th year, if nothing happened, we would adopt a child. We planned to consider IVF if babies didn't come naturally later on in the marriage. My husband was quite understanding and cooperative as he carried out all the embarrassing tests to figure out who the delay was from. Sometimes I even thought he didn't care much except when he got very angry. At those times, he would make statements that established he was also affected and that he somehow blamed me for the delay we experienced. Looking back now, I realise I am a very strong person and I always made excuses for his hurtful words.

The year 2016 rolled by, yet nothing happened. Instead I began experiencing delayed monthly periods. I remember thinking that I was definitely going into menopause, lol! I spent much of my earnings on doctors. "I" because at that time, my husband had somewhat relaxed about the whole conception matter. So as 2017 came I decided not to visit any more gynecologists. I decided to spend my money on myself. I drew strength from knowing that God has my back and I couldn't do much by myself. I remember on two occasions my pastor and a concerned elderly woman in church called me to ask if we were deliberately not getting pregnant, and even preaching that the right time to conceive was now. I had to remind my pastor of the prayer points I usually sent to him. All he said was that I looked too good that he was getting confused! The realisation dawned on me that I'd been wearing my delayed conception on my sleeve.

Towards the end of 2017, I remember buying lots of supplements for women's health and just taking life easy. I slept more and stressed less. As 2018 came in, we were already making arrangements on where to adopt a child from, what age to adopt and so on.
As a result of my resting and eating well, I put on some weight, that some women in church were already praising God on my behalf.
By then, I wasn't agitated any longer by their comments. In my opinion, the first few years of no conception are usually the most difficult to handle.

On the last week of February 2018, about two weeks after I'd seen my monthly flow, I started feeling funny. I didn't pay attention to the feeling because I had been experiencing all sorts of body changes. By the second week of March, I went to church wearing heels, as usual. I was barely able to stand for the singing (I'm in the choir) and other activities that required standing, my lower back was hurting really badly. I refused to think it could possibly be pregnancy. I waited until I was sure my monthly flow was late by a week or more then I went to run a test at the hospital.

I was at work when my husband called me and said "congratulations" it took me a some time to realise what he was saying. He had gone to the hospital to get the result. I was hoping we would go back together after we would have gotten off work, but he left work in the middle of the day to get the result. That spoke volumes about how anxious he was, but was not showing it. I was asked by the doctor to go back for checkups every two weeks until the first trimester was over

I was given a hormonal drug to help the baby. This was so, considering my history of miscarriage. As the baby grew, my dream came true. Sometimes I felt like I was having an out of the body experience, like it wasn't me having a baby, but someone else. My colleagues were super supportive, so was everyone else! It was a smooth pregnancy journey. I slept well, ate well, had about a month of morning sickness when I was almost out of the first trimester. I was a strong pregnant woman! I was also very huge for a first timer, if I can call myself a first timer.

The date of expected delivery came and went, we had exceeded the date by about 3 weeks, I felt an impression in my heart to get a cesarean section. I discussed this with my husband and he agreed with me as my dad who is a nurse and our doctor friend had earlier suggested that, considering I was over 30 years. I hadn't given thought to that because I always believe in taking things as they come.

When I told the doctor my decision, he tried dissuading me, then suggested I got induced to force labour. I quickly declined, I had heard stories of mothers pushing till they lost strength and still ended up with a cesarean section. Not talking about instances where lives were lost in the process too.
After a lot of questioning, he did a scan for the "estimated weight" of the baby, and there, our back and forth came to an end. I was carrying a big baby so there was no way he was going to let me try to push, I was admitted same night. Well, not before I went to the salon to get my hair done; there was no way I was going to meet my bundle of pure joy looking unprepared.

Around 3am, I woke up on the hospital bed feeling very uncomfortable. I went to relieve my bladder and noticed some blood and mucus when I cleaned up. I smiled, this was the beginning of going into labour but I went back to sleep and just told God that His will should prevail.
Around 5am, I woke up feeling same, some kind of pulling sensation in my lower abdomen, but I kept quiet.
While the surgery was going on, I heard the doctors saying I was having contractions, I simply said "too late"!

I met my princess a few minutes afterwards in the ward. My mum and husband were so ecstatic! My husband even more, because we'd always wanted a girl, although everyone thought it was a boy, because of the size of my swollen feet and stomach. I never agreed to check for the sex of the baby. I am like that, I wanted a full-scale surprise!

Being a mother is one of the best things that has happened to me. Those who know me, do say I take life as it comes, and that's true. With the arrival of my bundle of pure joy, I realise I have someone I need to be extra responsible for. My dream daily is to actually "impress" my children and make them so very proud of their mother. I've never felt such a strong need to impress anyone but my children. Alongside the joy of being given the privilege of birthing life, I know I have to do all I can to provide, protect, nurture and train with everything I have.

Waiting to conceive can be one of the most trying periods of a woman's life and also a couple's relationship. After we had gone through the basic medical tests and all, and yet nothing happened, I told myself I had to relax and enjoy my life. Conception is not only the result of two adults copulating, it's a divine provision. As humans, the best we can do sometimes is pray, believe and let go. Yes, we cannot take out the spiritual aspect of life, especially when creation of life is involved. So if you are out there waiting or trusting to conceive, do not put your life on a standstill! Go on living and enjoying life while you prepare yourself to be the best parent you can be.