Calling her out

Two of us were sharing our frustrations about a certain woman who seems to take pleasure in making life difficult for the people she works with. He mentioned how she appears versus the reality and I summed it up. Oh, she is a b***h! He said hmmmm, I was trying to say it in a nicer way, then I said there is no need for that. I didn't think much of it then as we changed the subject and talked about many other things.

A few minutes later, I reflected on what I said earlier and wondered when I started speaking that way. I said such a derogatory word with such ease. I asked myself if this had come with practice because I didn't even realise. Not so long ago, it would have taken a lot to hear such words from me. I made such efforts to keep my 'mouth clean'! 

This led me to do a lot of reflection. I have come a long way, but one thing I do not want to be is a b***h, I do not want to be the one who takes pleasure in talking others down or qualifying how bad people are no matter what. We all have our own demons.

I am after all, a woman, just like her, and it has always been said that working with women is quite difficult. I have always worked towards being a different woman who does her best to make life easy for people. I would prefer to be the friendly, courteous and the, whatever virtue is needed, one. I do not have to like the people I work with or meet but the one thing I owe them is courtesy and professionalism.

I have no idea if that woman's nastiness comes from a place of pain or bitterness. I have no idea if it comes from her monthly cycle or menopause. I have no idea if it comes from heartbreak. These reasons are absolutely no excuse, as her emotions should not be transferred, and she is required to be professional, but we all are human.

I was loosening my hair in traffic while driving home. (I seem to loosen my hair a lot in traffic these days for some reason, smh.) I always get to be stared at but that's fine :-) One man driving in the car next to me stared without blinking for a while then said "I wish I could multitask like this". My reply was simply "I am a woman". I hardly thought about it before I said it, but it dawned on me that some things like multitasking come naturally to women but not to men, well from what I have noticed. 

Stating the obvious - a woman goes through a monthly cycle with different parts to it, for some it is sheer pain. A woman would carry a baby in her for nine whole months, an entire period of discomfort, but still be expected to act normal and keep her emotions at bay. Then menopause...ah! Hormones seem to control a lot of emotions in women so sometimes I kind of understand nastiness.

I have faced many things: pain, joy, love, heart break, excitement, loneliness, strength, weakness, confusion, moments of clarity and the list could go on...but these have all built in me a resilience I will always be grateful for. I am still work in progress but I am sure of who and what I do not want to be, and b***h is one of the names I would certainly not want to be called. 
I am not there yet, there is so much to learn, so much to work on, but I am proud of the woman I am. 

This is coming late, but I would like to send a shout out to all women for their resilience and just for being called WOMAN. 

 Happy International Women's day.


  1. Well written Ene! It's refreshing to read stuff like this and be reminded that we're God's most unique creatures (no offence to the men) ;-) Happy international women's day to you lovely lady.. Efua

  2. Ene Abah, I'm sure a book is on its way. Excellent write up and yes!, women are women's best enemies!!!

    1. That book, that book! We aren't dwelling on the enemy part here okay ;)

  3. Luvly write up ene, its well and perfectly understood. Rasha.

  4. Some Ladies are a work in progress while others are dead set in their ways and refuse to change or learn when ever it is required. We must learn to overcome some of our basic gender instincts to be objective and professional. I totally agree, understand this write up and I am also motivated to be a better female. #Lady#. Maryanne

    1. I am please Maryanne that this has given you some motivation.


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